~~~~~~~~~~» Howie «~~~~~~~~~~

"So we’ll want to call the church and make sure they know about how many people are going to be there since it’s gonna be such a huge crowd," Meg said from her spot at the table in front of my bus.

"Yes. That would be a good thing," I replied with a smile.

"You don’t think 6 months in advance is too far away?"

"Not for something like this! I actually think they’ll thank us for warning them this far in advance...that way they’ll have plenty of time to prepare or whatever," I told her as I sat down across from her at the table. "How are the plans coming with everything else?"

Meg had decided a few months ago that she would tackle the wedding thing without a wedding planner, which was all right with me, as long as she could handle it without getting too stressed out. I knew that Arti, Denise, and Jane were helping her out with stuff too, so I pretty much figured that they’d have it under control between the three of them.

"I talked to Vera today...she said that she’ll come up with a drawing of what I told her I wanted for my dress and she’ll send it to me as soon as she’s got it done. Hopefully it’ll be done before we leave for Europe...it’ll be easier that way. Liz called and asked me about the bridal gowns, so I told her what they’d look like. I know that she doesn’t like light colors, but she’ll look good in the color that the dresses are in. And the ushers’ vests will match them perfectly!"

I sat there and watched her, mesmerized at how excited she was about the wedding. She continued talking, but I just sat there and watched her twinkling eyes with a smile.

"I love you," I said out of nowhere.

She instantly stopped talking and gave me an adorable smile.

"I love you too," she replied as she reached out and gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

"Everything will be perfect."

"As long as you’re there, it will be," she said.

I leaned over the table and she met me halfway with a tender kiss.

"Now that’s one thing we won’t need to practice," she said with a laugh after she pulled away.

"No...I think we need to practice more often," I replied with a smirk.

"Now that I think about it, we do need to practice more often," she added with a laugh before she leaned over again for another kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~» Liz «~~~~~~~~~~

"Dr. Robertson will see you now," Penny said after she finished talking with someone on her headset phone.

"Thanks Penny," I told her with a small smile before I stood up.

When I walked in the room, Dr. Robertson looked up from the small pile of papers on her desk and quickly stood up to greet me with a handshake.

"Come on in," she said as she waved me in. "You’re right on time."

I walked in and shut the door behind me. After I shook her hand, Dr. Robertson motioned for me to have a seat as she sat down at her desk and looked through a few papers that were on her desk.

"How are you doing today?" she asked, momentarily giving up her search through the pile of paper.

"I’m feeling good today," I replied with a small smile. "If you would have asked me a few days ago, I wouldn’t have said that, but today’s a good day."

When she studied my face, I became a little self-conscious, but quickly got over it.

"Was it anything I need to know about?" she asked.

"Naw...just one of those days I guess," I said with a shrug.

She nodded and reached under a few papers to find her notepad.

"How has work been? Is it getting to be too much...or are you handling it ok?" she asked as she pulled her pad into her hands and opened it to a fresh page.

"Work is...well...work is work. Sometimes it seems like it’s a little much, but I think I handle it ok. Things get stressful sometimes, but I try not to let those sorts of things get to me."

She wrote something down on her notepad as she kept asking questions.

"Does that happen often...where things stress you out at work?"

"It doesn’t happen all the time, but with so many things going on...so many people to keep track of...it seems to happen more frequently lately," I replied. "I sometimes bring Madi with me to rehearsals and things ‘cause she always makes me feel better..."

"Speaking of Madisen, how is she doing at home?"

"She’s doing great. She’s been crawling for a while now, and with someone’s help, she can walk around a little," I replied with a smile as I lightly ran my hand through my hair with a light sigh. "I haven’t decided if I’m going to take her with me to New York...so many things will be going on that I don’t know if she’ll cope with it very well."

I looked down at my hands nervously fidgeting in my lap when she looked up at me and thought about what I had said. I knew what she was going to ask, so I just continued on with the answer.

"No, I might not be able to handle it either, but I have to do it anyway...it’s my job, and besides that, I want to do this. I’ve been given this opportunity to touch other people’s lives through mine, and I won’t give that up because I don’t think I can handle it..."

I looked up and saw the slight look of surprise in her eyes when I told her exactly what she wanted to know. I watched her as she set her notepad down on the desk and then stood up to slowly walk around the room as she spoke.

"Liz, I know that your profession is very stressful and strenuous, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. You know that as much as I do, and because you know that, you’ve learned how to handle it. If you haven’t by now, you wouldn’t be doing it still," she said before she stopped momentarily at the window and then walked back to her desk. "I am going to write a prescription for you and I want you to get it filled before you leave for New York. I know that you aren’t depressed or suicidal, but it will help you deal with the extreme amount of stress that you’ve had to deal with and will continue to deal with...all the appearances, shows, and public events can take a toll on you, so this will help."

I nodded a little as she wrote out the prescription on the prescription pad and then tore off the small paper. She stood up and watched me do the same before she handed the paper to me.

"I’ll see you in two weeks?" she asked with a smile as I glanced at the paper before I slipped it into my pocket.

"Two weeks," I replied with a nod.

~~~~~~~~~~» AJ «~~~~~~~~~~

"Love flows through me like a...like a...like a what?" I asked myself out loud.

We were almost through with our fourteen-hour drive to the next venue. I was sitting in the back of my bus writing lyrics...or at least trying to write lyrics when Rick, my driver, hollered back to me. I set my notebook down on the couch before I lazily made my way to the front to see what he wanted.

"I forgot to give this to you when we made a food stop," he said as he held up a small bundle of envelopes. "Your mom gave them to me, so I’m assuming that they’re somewhat important."

"Thanks man," I told him as I took the bundle from his hand.

"We’ll be at the venue soon, just so you know," he told me as I walked back towards the back.

"Ok."

I tossed the bundle onto the other couch as I sat back down and got comfortable again. I figured that I wouldn’t get much further with the lyrics, so I turned the TV on to finish watching a movie that I’d started earlier, but didn’t finish. Just when the movie was almost to the end, the bus stopped and Rick called back to me again, so I knew that we were at the venue. After I turned the TV off, I was about to walk to the bunk area when the bundle of envelopes caught my eye. I quickly grabbed them before I picked up my bag from my bunk, stuffed the bundle into my bag, and went to the front of the bus to wait for Marcus to escort me into the venue doors. The other guys were already in the large room that was our ‘dressing room’ either talking on a cell phone or playing games with some of the crew, so I took the opportunity to go through some of the envelopes in the bundle. I pulled one of the comfy chairs into a quiet corner of the large room, pulled the bundle out of my bag, and began to read through the names that were on the front of each one. When I got to a smaller envelope with no name on the front or anywhere else on it, I pulled it out of the pile and set it aside while I went through the other stuff. Bills, bills, bills (AN – That’s an awesome blossom song *for anyone who didn’t know that*! Just thought you’d like to know!)...most of them were bills, but a few were from friends and various relatives who knew how to get a hold of my mom and me while we were on the road. I read through each one, making small piles of ones that I would and wouldn’t take the time to respond to, since I didn’t have much time to anyway. I heard the tour manager (Jerry) calling for us to get to make-up to get ready for the show, but stayed in my seat as I gathered up all the envelopes that I’d opened. I stuffed them back in my bag before I turned my attention back to the envelope that didn’t have a name on it.

"Come on AJ!! That’s you!!! You ARE one of the guys that Jerry’s talkin’ about ya know."

I cringed a little at the slight angry tone in Kevin’s voice as he reprimanded me before he left the room with the others. After I quickly zipped my bag up and slung it over my shoulder, I stuffed the unopened envelope into the back pocket of my jeans before I rushed out the door and down the hall to make-up and wardrobe. I think Gina noticed that I was fidgety in the chair as she began getting me ready, but declined to comment on it, thinking that I probably wouldn’t tell her anyway. Actually, if she would have asked, I more than likely *would* have told her, but she didn’t. By the time she was done and I was changed into my ‘uniform’ for the show, we only had a few minutes before our pre-show meet and greet began. I found an empty room along the main hall where our dressing room was and locked the door behind me before I sat down on the small desk that was in the tiny room. I’d put the envelope into my pants pocket when I changed clothes, so I carefully pulled it out and ripped it open with care. What I found in the envelope was not what I was hoping it would be.

I read the card and then I picked up the article clipping to look at the picture and article that was also inside. There wasn’t a signature on the card, so I had no idea who it was from.

"Oh sh*t..."

After reading the article, I looked at the picture again just to make sure it really was a picture of what it was said to be. Sure enough, it was.

"Sh*t sh*t SH*T!!!!!" I screamed as I stuffed the article with the picture and the card back into the envelope before I hurriedly unlocked the door and ran into the hallway. "Where in the h*ll is Brian?!"

A few of the roadies looked up and gave me weird looks, but when Nick strolled out into the hallway talking on his cell phone, I yelled again, practically scaring the poor guy.

"NICK!!!! Where’s Brian?!"

"Just a sec," he told whoever he was talking to before he turned his attention to me. "Why? What’s up?"

"I need to talk to ‘im...it’s really important."

When he casually pointed to the dressing room and then went back to his phone conversation without a second thought, I rushed into the dressing room to find Bri sitting on one of the couches talking to one of the dancers.

"Bri...I need to talk to you man...NOW!" I called to him as I motioned to a far corner, away from everyone else.

He abruptly ended the conversation with the dancer before he made his way over to where I was waiting.

"What’s the deal?" he asked casually with his arms folded loosely over his chest.

"Management is sooo gonna have my head for this one, I know it," I said as I shoved the envelope into his hand and waited for him to open it.

"What are you talkin’ about?" he asked as he looked at the envelope and then back up to me.

"Open it...I can’t believe this..."

I watched him as he took his time opening the envelope so he wouldn’t rip it...like that’d matter. When he read the card, he got a puzzled look on his face...that was until he saw the article and picture.

"Sh*t," he said as he took a double take of the picture and then looked up at me with a worried look on his face.

"Oh I am sooo dead...my life as I now know it is over...management is gonna rip me a new one, if Kev doesn’t first."

"Wait...why are they going to be mad at you? You didn’t do anything wrong," he said, sort of confused at what I was talking about.

"NO...of course not," I replied sarcastically. "I just up and left for two days, paid my ex-girlfriend a visit, found out that she has a baby, and managed to have my picture taken WITH BOTH OF THEM!!!!! Mind you while I was still "supposed" to be in L. friggin’ A.!"

I think I scared him since he wasn’t expecting me to yell at him. I looked up and saw a few people looking in our direction so I quieted down as I continued.

"How in the h*ll am I supposed to explain that to everyone?!" I asked.

"Well since there is no way that Madisen is yours, I really don’t see the problem," he replied as calmly as he could. "So some fan got snap-happy and took a picture...so what! You and I both know that management’s dealt with FAR more outrageous rumors than this...they’ll handle it."

I just stood there for a second and thought about what could and probably would happen. Just when he was about to walk away, I spoke up again.

"But what if I don’t want management to ‘handle it’?" I asked in a hushed voice.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, if I can get them to make sure that this article and picture don’t go anywhere, I’d like to explain the situation to everyone myself. I’m tired of everyone having to speak for us...it’s my turn on this one," I replied. "No one messes with me and the ones that I love."

~~~~~~~~~~» Liz «~~~~~~~~~~

"So...is there anything else we need to talk about concerning the video before we leave tomorrow morning?"

I watched Chantal as she set her mug on the coffee table and gave me a smile.

"No...I don’t think so," she replied happily.

"Cool. Then everything’s under control...for now," I said with a laugh. "How about some dinner..."

"Sounds good," she replied as we both stood up and walked out of the entertainment room towards the kitchen.

I was kind of surprised when I saw Chantal for the first time, but I quickly got over it. She was wearing tight black leather pants with a bright red ‘hankie’ shirt on...definitely not what I was expecting, but cool nonetheless. Her brown hair was really long (and reminded me of how mine used to be) and her eyes were the most awesome color blue. She actually told me that she dresses like she does as sort of a buffer for her shyness...so people are so shocked by her outfit that they don’t pay attention to how shy she really is. She also told me that she moved to North Florida about a year ago from Canada so she could ‘branch out and expand her horizon’ as she had said earlier. When I talked to her on the phone before, she was visiting her family in Calgary, so that’s why she had to fly in. I could already tell that I was really going to like working with her, even if we’d only met a few hours ago.

"I guess I should have all the dancers and everyone come over or somethin’ so you can get to know them a little. It’ll help if you know who is who before you start telling them what to do," I said with a laugh while she took a seat at the breakfast bar and watched me scout the fridge.

"Yeah...that might help," she replied with a laugh as well. "By the way, I’m totally digging the house."

"Thanks!"

She gave me a smile when I turned a little from where I was at the fridge and smiled.

"Ok...we have our choices of...spaghetti...or...hamburgers...barbecued if we want," I told her as I continued looking through the fridge.

"Ew! Barbecued hamburgers sound good!" she replied happily, causing me to laugh a little.

"K...hamburgers it is then."

"Need any help with that?" she asked.

"Only if ya wanna."

She hopped off the stool and came around the island to help. It wasn’t long before Chrys, Kyleigh, and Court were also helping us, with Madi in tow. When the phone rang, someone else (probably Tina) picked it up, so I didn’t pay any attention to it until Tina called down to us that it was for me. The other girls said that they had everything under control, so I grabbed Madi from her highchair and went into the study to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

I watched Madi as she crawled over to the couch and hoisted herself up so that she was standing and holding onto the edge.

"Hi Ellz."

"Hey Ro! What’s up?"

"Well...I just got a newspaper article in my box and since you’re going to be on my show in a few days, I thought I’d see if you knew anything about it," she replied.

"What kind of article are you talking about?" I asked.

"Well, it’s an article about you..." she said. "And AJ..."

"What does it say?"

"There’s a picture of you and him...he’s handing a baby to you...the article is basically gossip, so there’s nothing credible in it," she replied.

When I didn’t say anything in return, she spoke up again.

"Liz?"

"Yeah...I’m here," I told her, watching Madi rather than focusing on the conversation.

"Is she yours?"

"Legally, yes, she is," I replied. "I...this wasn’t supposed to get out to the public so soon."

"I won’t bring it up if you don’t want me to you know."

"Thanks Rosie...I’d appreciate that," I replied, sort of relieved that she’d help me out like that.

"You’re my friend Liz. You know I wouldn’t if you didn’t want me to."

"I know Ro. And thank you again."

"Welcome. I’ll see you in a few days then?"

"Yeah. Hey... pick a few fans and I’ll get you some all access passes to come behind the scenes of the video since you’re helpin’ me out," I told her with a smile.

"Cool. They’ll love that."

"Talk to ya later."

"Bu-bye girlie."

"Bye."

I let out a small sigh as I set the phone down on the cradle. Madi had crawled over to me at the desk and she was standing next to my chair, looking like she wanted me to pick her up, so I did. I smiled when she wrapped her little arms around my neck and gave me a kiddie hug before she laid her head down on my shoulder. This next week would be tough with all the media appearances and this newspaper article published...definitely not what I was expecting to happen. ‘I guess I should call AJ and tell him about it’ I thought as I sat there with Madi in my arms. It was a few minutes before I picked up the phone again and dialed his cell phone number, not really knowing what to say. After the phone rang about twenty times, I was about to hang up, but someone picked up on the other end.

"Hello?"

AJ answered out of breath and sounding in a hurry.

"Alex, it’s me," I replied.

"Oh G*d Liz," he said. "I...uh...our meet and greet just got over. Sorry it took me so long to answer."

"It’s ok...I understand."

Madi sat up a little and began playing with my hair, making me smile. There was a pause on the line.

"I got a call a little while ago that I thought you should know about," I told him as Madi stood up in my lap and played as I held one of her hands.

"I already know what you’re going to tell me Liz," he replied. "And I’m really sorry for putting you in this kind of situation."

"You didn’t put me in this situation...I was there too wasn’t I?"

"Yes, but..."

"AJ...just don’t ok?"

He didn’t say anything to that.

"I was expecting this to come out eventually, but I didn’t think it would be this soon is all," I told him. "I don’t know what to do. I mean, the adoption’s not finalized yet, so there’s no proof to even show that she’s not biologically mine."

"And everyone’s going to think she’s mine," he added, as if knowing what I was thinking.

"They’re going to think that she’s ours," I corrected him in a whispered voice. "This couldn’t have happened at a worse time."

I could hear someone calling for him in the background, so I knew that he had to go.

"I’ve got a press conference to go to...I’m sure that someone will bring it up, so I’ll take care of it," he said hurriedly. "I gotta go..."

"Ok."

"Bye."

"Bye," I replied.

"I love you," he said right before he hung up the phone.

Without even thinking about it, I dialed Meg’s number and waited for it to connect. She picked up after the first few rings.

"Hello?"

"Meg...I need you to do me a favor."

"Hey girlie! What is it?"

"I know that the guys have a press conference in a few minutes and I really need to hear it...will you go in there and leave your phone on so I can hear what’s going on?" I asked.

"Umm...sure," she replied questioningly.

"I’ll explain later."

"Sure thing...I think they just started so give me a sec to get in there. I’ll call you back when I’m in," she said before we both hung up.

She called back about two minutes later, said hi, and then held the phone so I could hear what was going on. She got there just in time so I could hear what I was listening for.

"This picture was printed in the Miami Times a few days ago. Does this mean that there is a little Backstreet Girl?" a reporter asked.

I could hear all the little girls in the small audience gasp, cry, and whine as they waited for AJ to answer. Reporters and interviewers whispered and talked amongst themselves.

"Well, that is highly personal, and in any other circumstances, I wouldn’t be talking about this, but I know that the rumors and gossip will only grow if nothing is said," AJ replied after a few seconds. "The answer to your question is no, I do not have a baby. I do know who she is, and she’s a delightful little girl...all I ask is that you let her have the privacy that she deserves."

"So she’s not yours?" the same reporter asked.

"No, she’s not," he said.

There was more ‘buzz’ in the background before another reporter burst out with a question.

"Are you and Ellz H back together?"

"No, we’re not back together. We’re just good friends. So ladies, I’m still single and looking," he replied.

‘What a ‘management’ answer’ I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes, knowing that he didn’t really care and that he wasn’t really ‘looking’. Management was always priming them with answers that would make the media, as well as most of the teen audience, happy, even if it wasn’t exactly true.

"Thanks folks...that’ll be all for now," someone from management said as the guys left, leaving the media hanging with unanswered questions.

"That’s it...press conference is over," Meg said. "I didn’t know about the picture...hope everything’s ok."

"It’s fine...so far there hasn’t been any paparazzi calls or anything, so I guess it’s ok," I replied. "I’ve got to go. I need to feed Madi and pack."

"K. I’ll talk to you later," she said before we hung up.

I let out a deep sigh before I stood up with Madi in my arms and hung up the phone. When I went back into the kitchen, I found that the girls had all the food ready and were waiting for us to join them to eat.

"Sorry ‘bout that...something came up," I said as I entered the room and then set Madi in her highchair.

"I just can’t get over how darn cute she is!" Chantal said as she came over and played with Madi while I got some baby food out of the cupboard.

© Liz Holder 2001