~~~~~~~~~~» Liz «~~~~~~~~~~

When I heard someone talking, I rolled onto my back and opened my eyes to stare at the ceiling. I pulled the blanket up around my chin and let out a little tired sigh as I could hear Madi laughing and squealing.

"Morning."

I turned my head and saw Meg and Court standing at the side of Madi’s crib playing with her. Meg gave me a smile when she saw me looking at them.

"Morning," I replied, still half awake as I sat up and rubbed my eyes a little.

When Court lifted Madi out of the crib, I saw that they’d already gotten her dressed while I was asleep. When they walked towards the door to the hallway, I watched them stop at the door.

"We’ll get her fed so you can get ready," Meg said before they were gone.

After I lazily stretched my arms above my bed, I climbed out of the warmth of the blankets and made my way to my dresser. Once I was in a pair of flared jeans with rhinestones in a cool pattern up the seams and a white button up shirt, I turned back towards my bed with my shoes and socks in hand. I was just about to sit on the opposite side of the bed from where I slept when my eyes caught site of the small wrapped box and envelope sitting on the crisp white covered pillow. When I took a closer look, I saw that my name was elegantly written on the front of the envelope. I thought the handwriting looked somewhat familiar, but I couldn’t be sure. It looked as if someone cared a great deal in how it looked, possibly practicing writing it so it looked perfect. I reached out and picked up the small white envelope and looked at it for a second before I grabbed the box and set it in my lap. I jumped when there was a knock on the door.

"We’ve got to go soon," Tina hollered from the hallway.

"I’ll be down in a few minutes," I called back and then listened for her to walk down the hallway towards the stairs.

When she was gone, I turned my eyes back to the box and envelope that I now held in my hands. I slowly undid the small gold foil ‘M’ sticker that was on the back holding the flap shut so I wouldn’t rip it and then pulled out a fancy white card that only had pearly roses embossed on the front. After I put the envelope on the bed next to me, I slowly opened the card and saw no writing in it, but found a white folded paper inside. I carefully unfolded the paper, as if I was worried that someone would hear, even though I knew everyone was already downstairs. Once I got it open, I turned it right side up and began to read.

I carefully slipped the paper back into the card and replaced it in the white envelope that it came in. My eyes slowly landed on the small box that was sitting in my lap, staring back at me as if calling for me to open it. I just sat there for a second and looked at it blankly. I quickly looked up at the clock and realized that Arti, Meg, and Bri had to be at the airport in less than an hour.

"Come on Liz..." I heard Tina whine from the bottom of the stairs.

"Hold on! I’m coming," I called back as I moved the box from my lap to the bed and hurried to put my socks and chunky thick soled shoes on.

It didn’t take me long to put them on, and when I was done, I stood up, grabbed the box and envelope from the bed, and stuffed them into Madi’s diaper bag before I slung it over my shoulder and walked out the door.

"’Bout time!" Tina said sarcastically when she looked up from talking to Bri and Chrys and saw me quickly coming down the stairs.

"Let’s head out," I said as I hurried past everyone towards the kitchen. "Meg and Arti with Madi and I...Tina, Bri, Chrys, and whoever else is going goes in the truck."

We quickly got in the cars and got on the road so we’d get to the airport in time. They weren’t flying on a private plane, so it was important that we got there in time so they wouldn’t miss their flight and cause a huge commotion. The ride there went by somewhat quick for me since my mind wandered from what the girls were talking about.

"Liz?"

"Huh?" I replied, half concentrating on the red light that we were stopped at and half thinking about what was in the white box that AJ had left.

"What’s up with you girlie?" Meg asked.

"What?"

I dug myself out of my thoughts and turned to look at Meg with a look of wonder and slight disorientation. When Tina honked the horn behind us, I quickly turned my attention back to the road and found that the light had turned green.

"What’s up with you today?" Arti asked.

"I’m...uh...just a little..." I paused to look for the right words to explain. "I’ve got this thing on my mind that won’t go away...it’s gonna drive me insane."

"Well what is it?" she asked.

I took a quick glance at them before I turned back to looking at the road.

"I can’t tell you," I replied sadly.

Truth was, I had no idea what it was that was in the box, so I couldn’t really explain it to them.

"Well, if you decide you wanna talk about it, we’ll only be a phone call away," Meg said happily.

"Thanks," I replied with a half-smile. "How’s my baby doin’?"

"She’s sleeping," she said.

We got to the airport and in the terminal just as they were calling for the first class passengers. Bri gave me a hug before he went over to a quiet corner with Chrys to say their good-byes in private. Tina held Madi in her arms while I said bye to Meg and Arti. They both gave me hugs and told me that if I didn’t call them at least once a week, they’d come after me.

"I’ll remember that," I said with a laugh as they made the final call for first class passengers.

"Love ya girlie," Meg said with a smile as she leaned forward for another hug.

"Love you too," I replied, giving her a hug.

"I mean it! Anything...just call," Arti said as she gave me another hug too.

"Ok," I said with a laugh before they turned to go. "Give my love to the other guys."

"Will do," Meg called back before they walked in the tunnel with Bri following close behind.

I watched them until they were no longer in view from the tunnel. I turned and saw Tina, Chrys, and Court standing near the glass, showing Madi the massive plane that was sitting on the other side. To avoid having run-ins with fans, we waited until the plane backed away from the gate and then quickly made our way back to the short-term parking lot.

"See ya at home," I told the girls while they walked away from my car towards where the truck was parked.

"Bye," they called back before they became unseen behind the maze of dozens of parked cars.

Madi soon fell asleep to the quiet songs playing on the radio, and when I drove by a park that was near my house, I got the urge to pull over in the mostly empty parking lot. Once I turned the ignition off (but kept the accessories on *radio*), I reached over into the front seat and grabbed the white box from inside the diaper bag that was on the front seat. Being as quiet as I could, I pulled the paper off the box and carefully opened the lid to see it stuffed with tissue paper. I removed the paper and found a small pewter box in the bottom. The box looked like an old-fashioned hatbox with stripes and ribbons and there was a gorgeous sculpted sunflower (also pewter) sitting off-centered on the top that gave it a nice touch. It wasn’t a very big box...it was no bigger than an inch tall and an inch and a half in diameter. I held the box in my hands and studied it for what seemed like forever.

~~~~~~~~~~» A Few Days Later «~~~~~~~~~~

"Hello Liz. Come in."

"Thanks."

"Have a seat."

I sat down on one of the dark navy colored chairs that were strategically placed around the small, but spacious room.

"How have things been since our last visit?"

I subconsciously let my finger trace small circles on the soft material of the arm of the chair. "Things are ok."

"Only ok?"

"Well, things are good...but it’s hard sometimes."

I looked up from the floor for a moment, but almost instantly looked away.

"How are things with the baby?"

"She’s great...the sweetest little thing," I replied. "Sometimes I wonder why I have her instead of someone who is older...and has more experience...but I realize that Rachel knew that I probably needed this experience for myself..."

When I realized I’d been rambling and given off more information than intended, I quickly stopped talking.

"It’s ok to tell me things like that Liz. That’s the whole point of coming to see someone like me. We’re here to help you."

I nodded a little, but kept my gaze on the dark paisley patterned carpet.

"Maybe it will help if you’re more comfortable...it will help you loosen up a little. Would you like to lie on the couch?"

I looked up a little, and reluctantly nodded a little before I stood up and went over to the large black leather cushioned couch. I lay down with my head on the arm closest to the matching chair at one end and let out a deep sigh.

"Better?"

"Yeah," I said, taking a deep breath and then exhaling slowly after I’d shut my eyes.

"So, is there anything you’d like to start out with today?"

I shook my head a little, not wanting to bring up things that I didn’t want to talk about unless they weren’t brought up by me.

"Ok. Let’s start with your work then. How are rehearsals going?"

"Rehearsals are going ok. They’re long, but that’s normal," I replied.

"And your entourage?"

I opened my eyes and studied the tiled ceiling. "Everyone’s enjoying rehearsals. The guys flirt with the girls...the girls laugh at their attempts. Chrystal talks to Brian almost everyday during breaks, and Lindsey gushes about her calls from Nick."

"And you? Do you get calls from anyone special?"

"My parents call a few times a week, but they’ve been doing that since I moved here to Florida," I replied, not really interested in this topic anymore.

"No significant other?"

"No."

It was silent for a few seconds as I heard something being written down on the infamous ‘notepad’.

"I mean, I know that we talked about guys on the second visit, so I know that you know about AJ...he’s not my significant other anymore," I clarified.

"I see. When was the last time you talked to Mr. McLean?"

"He came into town a few days ago...said that he wanted to talk to me about things..."

"What sorts of things?"

"He said that he didn’t cheat on me nine months ago like I thought he did...he said he still loved me," I replied quietly. "He gave me this...I found it on my pillow...he left during the night while I was sleeping."

I took the thin silver chain from around my neck and held it up in the air. When it was taken from my hands, I waited for the discussion to continue.

"’My heart belongs to you’?"

I knew it was the inscription that was being referred to.

"He said that in the note that was left with it," I replied. "’ You don’t have to wear it, but always remember that my heart belongs to you’ is what he wrote."

"Do you have the note still?"

"I carry it everywhere."

When the chain was handed back to me, I held it in my hand and studied it while we continued talking.

"Why did you two go your separate ways?"

I stared at the ring on the chain that was in my hands. It was a 14 karat white gold band that had a heart on the front made up of bunches of little diamonds. I turned it on its side and read over the inscription as I spoke.

"I...I...broke up with him. He didn’t want me to go." I turned my head towards the back of the couch as all the painful memories came flooding back. "He begged me to stay. I told him that I didn’t want to work through it."

"What happened to cause your change of heart?"

"A bad mixture of everything...my oldest sister was pestering me for money...I was still recovering from the accident...touring...I don’t know."

I heard more writing before I continued.

"It was the day before that I’d gotten the call about Rachel. They told me that she was in stage two of ovarian cancer, but she could be cured with chemo and radiation. I was determined not to let it show, but keeping it to myself was part of the reason that my relationship crumbled in my hands."

There was silence. I was shocked that I’d actually said it out loud since I’d been spending the last nine months in denial about everything. It was so quiet that I could hear the secretary’s voice on the other side of the door that was across the room.

"She was supposed to live...she had a beautiful daughter to raise. It should’ve happened to me instead of a sweet girl like her," I said, trying to keep the tears from falling. "It should’ve happened to me!!!" I wiped under my eyes as if telling the tears not to fall. "I was too afraid to let my guard down and let my friends help me...I hurt myself more than I hurt anyone else by doing that. I lied to Alex the day that I left. I told him that I wasn’t going to stay and that I didn’t want to make it work."

Tears began running down my cheeks and when I saw a tissue being held out to me, I thankfully accepted it and wiped the tears dry. It was quiet for a few more minutes while I slowly calmed down.

"Let’s continue this discussion at your next appointment. It’s time for you to go now."

I looked at my watch and quickly wiped my eyes dry one last time before I sat up.

"Liz...don’t be afraid to tell people how you’re feeling. If you don’t feel well, tell them that you need some rest. And tell your friends about what you’ve been going through. They’ll be able to help you through this more than you think."

With that, we shook hands and I was guided to the door.

"See you in a week and a half."

"I’ll be here."

~~~~~~~~~~» The Next Week «~~~~~~~~~~

"Hi. Is Chantal there?"

"This is her," the voice on the other end said happily.

"Hi Chantal. This is Ellz H. I wanted to be the one to tell you that I picked your treatment for my video," I told her and then waited for her reaction.

It was silent for a few seconds and then she started squealing happily.

"You’re kidding right?" she asked.

"No, I’m not! I loved your idea and I’d be honored if you’d make your professional video directing debut with my song," I replied. "I’ve seen some of your school videos and I think they are wonderful!"

"Wait wait...you’re serious right?!"

I laughed a little at her outburst. "Yes, I’m serious! I want you to come down to Florida and work on my movie!!"

"AAAAaaaaaaahhhhhh!"

I smiled when she screamed in delight. It made my day to make someone else’s special like that.

"When do we start filming?" she asked, almost instantly calmed down at the drop of a hat.

"Whenever you’re ready."

We talked on the phone for a few more minutes while we decided some of the details. She decided that the ideal place to shoot the video would be in New York, so we (my dancers and I) would be flying up the next few days. She told me that she’d fly to Miami first thing the next day with her equipment (what little she had) to meet me and discuss the details of the video, and then she’d fly with us to New York. The shoot would last for three and a half days, with quick appearances here and there, such as the Today show, Regis, and a few others. I gave her my cell number and told her to call me when she got the flight arranged so we would know what time to have her picked up at the airport. After we hung up, I went into the small playroom on the main level that I’d set up for Madi and watched Chrys and Kyleigh playing with her from the couch on the other side of the room.

"You wanna go see mommy?" Kyleigh asked her in a cute voice. "Come on...let’s go."

I watched as Kyleigh helped Madi to her feet and held her hands as she ‘walked’ over to me with a huge smile on her face. When she reached the couch that I was sitting on, she leaned against the edge and happily patted her hands on my legs. I reached out, picked her up, and set her in my lap.

"You’re not gonna start walking without mommy are you?" I asked her while she played with my shoulder length hair.

I looked up and saw Chrys and Kyleigh watching us with smiles on their faces.

"Oh...I called Chantal about the video," I told them while I adjusted Madi a little in my arms. "We’re going to New York in a couple days."

"Cool," Chrys replied happily. "For how long?"

"Well, she’s hoping that it will only take three and a half days to shoot and edit and everything...plus I’m going to do appearances while we’re not shooting and whatnot, so you’ll be coming with me for those too," I told them. "I haven’t called everyone else yet, so I’ll need to get to it soon...unless you want to call some of them for me..."

"Don’t worry about it. We’ll do it," Kyleigh said as they walked towards the door.

"Thank you!" I called out.

"Welcome," they said back.

When they were gone, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed a number before I waited for it to connect.

"Dr. Robertson’s office."

"Hi. Is Dr. Robertson busy right now? This is Liz."

"She just finished with a patient. I’ll put you right through."

"Thank you," I replied before she transferred me.

"Dr. Robertson speaking..."

"Hi. This is Liz."

"Hi Liz. What can I do for you today?"

"Well, I just found out today that I’ll be out of town for the next few days, so I won’t be able to make it to my next appointment," I told her.

"I have an opening tomorrow. Can you come in then?"

"I have some things going on, but I’ll come in anyway," I replied.

"Good. I’ll see you tomorrow then. I’ll transfer you back to Penny so she can schedule you in."

"Thanks Doc."

"You’re welcome."

I quickly made the appointment with Penny, the secretary, before I hung up and found Madi lightly dozing off in my arms. I watched her for a few minutes until my cell phone rang. She stirred a little, but stayed asleep.

"Speak to me."

"Hi Ellz. It’s Chantal."

"Hi Chantal! What’s up?"

"I got the flight arranged...it’ll be landing in Florida at 4 p.m.," she replied.

"Ok. I’ve got a previous engagement tomorrow afternoon, so I won’t be able to pick you up, but I’ll meet you here at my house when you get here. Ok?"

"Sounds good!" she said.

"Ok. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then!"

"Yep. Talk to you later."

"Bye."

"G’bye."

I hung up the phone with a smile and tucked my phone into my pants pocket before I carefully carried Madi up to her crib so she could sleep in peace. When I set her in her crib, she stirred a little, stuck her thumb in her mouth, and dozed off again. She looked so cute that I just stood there and watched her for a few minutes. Watching her sleeping face reminded me of AJ, though I hoped it wouldn’t. ‘Wonder what’s happening right now...probably in a hotel...or at some venue somewhere...’ I thought to myself before I gave Madi a light kiss and left the room.

© Liz Holder 2001