~~~~~~~~~~» Two Weeks Later «~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~» Meg «~~~~~~~~~~

"Do you think she forgot us?" I asked Meg after we’d picked up our bags from the baggage carousel. "She’s not here."

"Duh she’s not here!" Arti replied. "We didn’t tell her we were coming a few days earlier than she was expecting."

"Oh..."

"Yeah," she said with a laugh as we walked down the hallway carrying our bags.

We stopped when we saw a bunch of payphones. Arti sat down in one of the many little booths and pulled out her cell phone. She dialed Liz’s cell number and waited for her to pick up on her end.

"Hey Liz! We’re at the airport."

She was quiet for a second.

"We flew in a few days early...*pause* K. We’ll be waiting at the curb in half an hour."

She looked up at me and smiled as she hung up. She put her phone away and stood up.

"Well, since we have a half hour to do whatever, let’s get something to eat," I said, pointing to a small café across the hallway.

After we’d ordered a little something to eat, we sat down at a table and waited for our food.

"Why so quiet Bri?" I asked as I watched him examine the salt and peppershakers from a distance.

"I guess I’m just worried that Liz won’t like it that I came with you," he replied.

"I don’t think she’ll mind," Arti said. "I think she’ll be happy to see you."

"Really?" he asked, looking up at her.

"Yeah," she replied, giving him a smile.

"Uh oh...fans...three o’clock," I whispered.

Bri pulled his hat down a little further to hid his eyes and lowered his head a little while Arti and I sat and talked as if everything was normal.

"Hi...are you Howie Dorough’s girlfriend?" one of the girls asked after they walked up to our table.

"I do get that a lot, but I have no idea who you’re talking about," I replied.

"Oh," she said in a disappointed voice. "K. Thanks anyway."

I waited until she was a good distance away before I laughed a little. Some fans were just a little too naïve when it came to confrontations.

"Nice moves Slick," Bri said, looking up at me.

"Thank you," I replied happily.

Our food came and we ate quickly because we were supposed to be out at the curb in like five minutes. Everything from the café to the curb went smoothly, so we made it just in time to see Liz’s green truck pull up to the curb. I opened the front passenger door while Arti and Bri put their stuff in the back.

"Hi."

I looked in and saw Tina smiling happily from the driver’s seat.

"Hey!"

When everyone was in, we were on our way back to Liz’s house.

~~~~~~~~~~» Liz «~~~~~~~~~~

The radio was on in the other room while I was washing the dishes in the kitchen. I left Madi on a blanket on the floor. She happily stared at the moving fan on the ceiling while she flailed her arms and feet in the air to the music. The stereo was on a radio station and when some commercials started playing which caused the music to cease, she started to fuss. I knew she was fine, so I continued to wash the dishes. When the commercials were over, ‘Show Me the Meaning’ started to play and Madi instantly became quiet. I listened for a little while for her to make some noise while I finished washing the last dish, but heard nothing. After I let the water out of the sink, I wiped my hands dry and then went to the doorway to check on Madi. The song was almost over and when I saw Madi asleep on the blanket with her lips formed in a small smile, I watched her for a second. She looked so peaceful and content that I almost didn’t want to mover her, but I knew that Tina would be back with Arti and Meg anytime soon, so I carefully picked her up and carried her upstairs into my room where I had set up her crib. I was just turning to come down the stairs that led to the large entryway when the front door opened and Tina walked in.

"Liz! I’m back," she called. "And I brought a few hitchhikers along the way."

I heard her laugh, followed by a smacking sound.

"Ow!"

"You asked for it," Meg said matter-of-factly.

I smiled at the sound of her voice. I stood there at the top of the stairs by the railing for a second while I heard them put their bags in the hallway inside the door. I started to walk down the stairs while they started to walk towards the main entryway where the two sets of stairs from the upper level met with a crystal chandelier hanging from the high vaulted ceiling to keep the area lit. Tina walked them into the large room while I walked down the stairs.

"Wow," Arti said in amazement.

"You like it?" I asked, still walking down the stairs when they walked in the room.

"Yeah," Meg answered for Arti.

I smiled at their satisfaction before I looked up and noticed who all was there.

"Bri!!!" I exclaimed happily as I hopped down the last few steps and ran over to give him a big hug.

He laughed at my reaction while he returned the hug.

"What’re you doing here?" I asked playfully. "I thought you were on tour mister..."

"Came to see you," he replied with a cheesy smile. "And we’re on break for a few days."

"Well I wasn’t expecting you, but I’m glad you came," I said with one more quick hug before I gave Arti and Meg hugs too. "Let’s go into the ER..."

I laughed a little when they gave me weird looks.

"Entertainment Room," I said while I led them to the large room on the right side of the entryway.

"Oh...I get it...ER," Meg said after a few seconds.

I couldn’t help but laugh until I couldn’t laugh anymore when she said that.

"Don’t laugh at me!" she insisted, sounding like a five year-old child.

"Awww...you know I love ya," I said in a motherly voice while I walked over and pinched her cheeks.

After we all sat down, we got to talking about how the tour was, how things were going with me, and things like that. Bri said that their tour was going to consist of a three month run in the US before they headed to Europe, Asia, Australia, and then back to the US for another leg of the same tour. Arti would be joining them for the entire thing while Meg on the other hand had a tour of her own starting in a few months after the Backstreet US tour ended. She’d meet back up with the Backstreet tour when she went over to Europe and Asia, so she’d be seeing plenty of them too. I told them about how I found the house and about the different renovations that I’d had done while I was gone on tour. Tina looked up at me while we were talking and mouthed to me that Madi was awake. I nodded a little and watched her leave the room.

"They were finished with the house by the time I got back, which was really nice," I said. "I’ve had a few of the girls on my crew living here with me as well as Tina and Court so we all have plenty of company."

I saw Tina walking down the stairs with Madi in her arms while I was finishing my sentence.

"Can you hold on for a second?" I asked suddenly.

When the three of them nodded, I stood up and walked into the hall. Tina handed Madi to me before she went to find where the other girls were. I adjusted Madi in my arms so that she was more comfortable before I walked to the door of the room and went in. Bri looked up when he noticed me walk in. His eyes got big and his mouth fell open. When the girls saw his face, they instantly turned around to see what he was looking at.

"How cute!" Meg said happily before she jumped up and met me halfway.

I smiled when she reached out and rubbed Madi’s soft dark hair. Her hair was only about an inch and a half long so far, but it was already beginning to curl. It was so dark brown that it looked black, which complimented her brown eyes perfectly. When Madi looked up at Meg and began flailing her arms happily, Meg smiled and Arti got up to come see the young stranger. I looked up and over Meg’s shoulder to see Bri still sitting in the chair, trying to understand what was going on.

"Bri...do you wanna hold her?" I asked.

"I...uh...it’s been a looooong time since I’ve held a baby," he said slowly, realizing that I was talking to him.

I smiled as I walked over to him and carefully set Madi in his arms. His face lit up when he saw how adorable she was.

"Madi...this is Uncle Brian," I told her as she examined the one who was now holding her. "He’s goofy sometimes, but you’ll get used to that."

When Bri reached up and held Madi’s small hand in his, I smiled and then sat down next to the girls on the couch. Bri listened in on our conversation while he played with Madi, keeping a smile on his face the whole time.

"I know what you’re thinking. I’m not married...never was, won’t be for what seems a long while," I told them with a sigh after seeing their puzzled looks. "Her name is Madisen. She’s mine...not biologically, but she’s mine."

I subconsciously wiped invisible perspiration from my forehead before I continued.

"My friend Rachel...the one with cancer...before she passed away, she asked if I’d raise her daughter and I agreed because I loved her like a sister and if it were me in her situation, she’d do the same for me."

Meg nodded in understanding as Arti reached over and gave me a hug.

"We know you loved her very much," Arti said. "And it’s good to see you happy again. I’m glad that she’s the one that’s going to keep you happy."

"I’m very happy," I said without really thinking about it.

Arti looked up into my eyes for a few short seconds as if she was searching for something in them. She nodded a little after a second, but didn’t say anything.

"Does anyone else know about her?" Meg asked.

"I already told my crew about her...it’s rather funny to see them fight over who gets to be the babysitter while I do my errands," I said with a laugh while I took a quick look at Madi and Bri.

I turned back to the girls with a smile.

"Jay-J knows, as well as a few people at the station back home, but I know they won’t say anything unless I tell them to. Rachel’s lawyer knows, but he’s legally not allowed to say anything either," I said. "I’m almost scared to tell anyone else...I haven’t even told my parents yet."

My voice quivered a little bit at the mention of keeping such a big secret from my parents. Arti reached out and put her hand on top of mine.

"When you feel it’s the right time, you’ll tell them," she said. "And once the adoption’s finalized, everyone will find out."

"I know...that’s what I’m afraid of," I replied sadly. "The media will have a field-day with this. I know they will."

"Who cares what the media says...we know that you love her and that’s all that counts," Meg said.

"Please don’t tell the other guys about this," I said after a few seconds. "I’ll tell them about Madi when I’m ready."

The girls nodded. I looked over at Bri and saw his big smile, which made me smile too. He had Madi lying down in his lap with her feet against his chest. Madi squealed happily when Bri wiggled his finger a little while she had a grip of it. He then tickled her sides while making funny noises and watched her squirm with a smile. The next hour or so was spent taking turns holding Madi and talking about things that had to deal with her. Meg even mentioned that she had the same hair color and eyes that AJ had, which she thought was sort of twilight zone-ish. I’d noticed it too when I first saw her, but it was kind of a comfort to me rather than out of the ordinary. Other than that one mentioning of AJ, nothing else was said about him for the rest of the conversation, but the thought of him never left my mind. Every time I looked at Madi, I saw his face in my mind.

"Liz?" Meg asked. "You ok?"

I broke my gaze from my baby’s face and looked up at Meg. "Yeah, sorry...I’m ok."

"Good," she said.

"Anyway, how about I give you a tour of the house?" I asked after Arti handed Madi over to me.

"Sounds fine to me," Bri replied with a smile.

"Follow me," I said after we’d all stood up from the couch and chairs.

By the time I’d showed them all the rooms on the main floor and a few of the 7 bedrooms on the upper level, I heard voices and then the front door shut.

"Hey Bri...I think the person that you really came here to see just got home," I said with a knowing smile.

I laughed a little when he blushed. I pointed over my shoulder towards the stairs.

"Go surprise her," I whispered.

He walked to the stairs while I showed Arti and Meg the other rooms, including the room where they’d be staying for the next two days before they went back. We were just walking out of the room when we heard an excited scream followed by laughing.

"Someone’s happy to see him," Meg joked.

"That would be Chrys," I added.

We met everyone else downstairs after we finished with the quick tour of the house. Tina and Linni said that they were going to fix lunch for everyone, so Bri and Chrys went to talk and do whatever until it was ready. Meg and Arti mingled with the other girls, so I grabbed a jar of baby food and then excused myself to feed Madi and then put her down for a nap. Everyone was so busy talking and laughing that I don’t even think they noticed when I left the room. I sat down in the rocking chair that was in my room while I fed Madi as she sat in my lap sideways. After she was done, her eyelids were starting to get heavy, so I knew she was tired. I walked over to the CD player and put it on repeat play for song 11, like I did every time she went down to sleep. She wouldn’t go to sleep unless this song was playing, so it became sort of a ritual for me. I put her down in her crib, covered her with a blanket, and then sat down in the rocking chair (which was near the crib), and listened to make sure she went to sleep. After about five minutes, I found myself listening to the song instead of Madi since she was already fast asleep. I stared into space while the words and music flooded my ears.

When the song ended for like the tenth time, I slowly got up and turned the CD player off. It wouldn’t be much longer before Madi would wake back up, since she’d already fallen asleep earlier. I sat down on my bed and swung my feet up onto the end so I could lie down. I set my head on the pillow, but stayed awake as I listened to Madi’s breathing. I seemed like hours until she started to stir, when it was really closer to forty minutes. She happily gurgled and playfully smacked the railing of the crib until I got up to get her. I smiled when she looked up at me with a big smile before she rolled onto her back and began kicking her feet in excitement.

"Let’s go have some fun," I told her as I picked her up and carried her to my bed, where I laid her down.

I changed her diaper, put her in some shorts and a cute T-shirt that said ‘Mommy’s Girl’ on the front, and grabbed her diaper bag full of supplies before I carried her downstairs. After informing the bunch of our new plans for the afternoon, we got Madi’s stroller loaded into the back of the truck, and then got everyone into the cars. Madi, Jules, and Destiny were with me in my Eclipse. Tina would be taking Bri and Chrys in my truck while Kyleigh and Court rode in Kyleigh’s car.

~~~~~~~~~~» AJ «~~~~~~~~~~

The wait in the luxurious rented Dodge Challenger (AN – If you’ve seen the TV show ‘Nash Bridges’, it’s the same kind of car that Nash drives...the convertible) was long, but I was richly rewarded when the garage door opened. A silver car, green truck, and another car pulled out of the driveway and into the street. I turned the key in the ignition to start the engine when I saw the parade of vehicles come to a stop at a red light. The top was up on the expensive convertible, so I knew that none of them had seen me from my vantagepoint halfway down the block. When I had first driven past the large southern colonial mansion-style house, it was sort of a surprised shock at how big, but very elegant it was. In contrast to the modern looking mansions that surrounded it, the house looked as if it was taken straight from the history books of a southern plantation. The front yard was very well manicured with trees and small shrubs lining the inside of the steel gate that guarded the property. As I pulled into traffic, the light turned green, allowing the waiting cars to pass the abandoned guard booth of the upscale neighborhood before merging into the mainstream flow of traffic. I made sure to keep at least a few cars behind the caravan as I followed them into downtown Miami towards an unknown destination. I questioned the purpose of the location as I pulled into the never-ending parking lot and stopped the car in the nearest open slot. They continued driving further away from where I was, but closer to where the entrance of the park was. I watched their cars out the window until they were no longer in sight because of the constant flow of people and cars alike. For not wanting to be in the public eye, this was definitely not the right place for me to go unnoticed. I waited five minutes before I got out of the car and made sure to lock the doors behind me. Equipped with a black baseball cap, long leather jacket that went to my knees, and dark sunglasses, I noted where the car was parked.

"Y for Yak," I read on the sign attached to the light post a few cars down from mine.

It was a cheesy way for remembering where you parked, but what would you expect from a place where kids were prone to be? It was a zoo after all. What more appropriate then name the lots after animals? I shook my head a little before I started making the long walk to the entrance of the place. Not knowing where they were headed was my first mistake, and not dressing in the right clothes was my second. I knew that the instant I ran into a bunch of teenyboppers, I’d be recognized instantly by the pair of rough cut Tommy jeans and boots that I was wearing. While I criticized myself on my outfit, I barely could see from where I was when the group from the cars got in the entrance and on their way to checking out the new surroundings. ‘Great...just my luck’ I thought begrudgingly when four school busses full of kids pulled past me in the parking lot. Things would be ten times harder than I thought they would, but I was more determined than ever to get this off my chest. It was now or never.

~~~~~~~~~~» Tina «~~~~~~~~~~

"I’ll push her!" I said happily after we got inside the gates without any problems.

"No! I wanna push her," Court said when she walked up to us.

Liz was fixing the shade on the stroller so that the sun didn’t get into Madi’s eyes while everyone decided where we wanted to go first. Bri and Chrys were holding hands and whispering to each other before they smiled and watched us.

"I called her first," I insisted.

"SO...I called her second!" she replied in the same snotty voice.

When Liz was finished, she stood up next to the stroller with her arms folded across her chest and watched us fight there in front of everyone with an annoyed look on her face.

"Since both of you are acting like babies, Chrys is gonna push her," she said after a few seconds.

"Haha," Chrys said smartly as she walked between Court and me and started to push Madi.

Bri followed her, as did everyone else. I guess everyone agreed to visit the smaller indoor exhibits before venturing outside to see the larger animals. I laughed at Liz when she refused to go any closer than three feet to the cases of snakes in the serpent display. We looked at fish, crabs, frogs, lizards, alligators, and crocodiles before we moved to the smaller warm-blooded animals. There we saw mice, gerbils, rats, rabbits, bats, and other rodent-type and smaller mammals. Liz told us that she was going to take Madi to the kid’s section of the zoo while we decided to go see the polar bears, penguins, and other arctic and aquatic animals.

"I’ll meet you at the food court in about an hour," she told us with a smile before she took Madi out of the stroller and walked away.

~~~~~~~~~~» Liz «~~~~~~~~~~

"This is a pony," I said after we walked up to the fenced area where a man was leading a small Shetland pony around on a lead rope.

I laughed when she held her hand out to the animal and made happy baby ‘gaga’ noises. She laughed when I walked past the other animals and told her what they were. For being a teething baby, she was very happy for some reason. For the last few days, she’d cry at weird times. She’d chew on anything given to her. When I saw that she had a tooth or two coming in on top, I had Tina go out and buy her a teething ring. She’d had it in her mouth almost every minute since we bought it for her.

"Let’s go see the primates," I told her in a funny voice when I saw the sign with a monkey pointing to the primate building on it.

I pointed out the monkeys to her while people came and went behind us. I moved forward and leaned a little on the glass while an older gorilla walked over to us. Madi patted her hand on the glass when she saw the big animal approach us from the other side. She laughed as she put her tiny hand on the glass and then watched with wonder as the gorilla placed his hand up to hers on the glass as well. His hand was huge compared to hers, which made it all the more precious for me as well as a few people who were watching the interaction. A little boy walked up to the glass a few feet away from us and put his hand on the glass. The same gorilla walked over and put his hand up to the boy’s the same way he had with Madi.

"That gorilla reminds mommy of an old friend of hers," I told Madi as we walked out of the building and over to a bench. "His name is Alex...he scares people sometimes, but he’s a softy, just like the big gorillas."

She looked up at me before she pulled her thumb to her mouth and sucked on it. I smiled, remembering how my younger brother and sister’s did that when they were her age. The bench was in the shade, so I crossed my legs so that I was more comfortable and then I moved Madi so that she was lying in my arms on my lap. She closed her eyes, though I knew she wasn’t asleep. She had a peaceful look on her face that reminded me of AJ. He always had the same look on his face while he slept. I began to softly sing to her in a whispered voice so people wouldn’t give me weird looks as they were passing by. Out of habit, I ran my fingers through her curls.

When I finished, she opened her eyes and watched me as I briefly looked up at the clouds in the sky before looking back down at her. When someone tapped on my shoulder unexpectedly, I jumped a little and let out a small scream, which caused Madi to start crying and screaming. I picked Madi up in my arms and held her to me while I turned to see who had scared me like that.

"I’m sorry for scaring you," I heard before I turned just enough to see who it was.

I turned back around, hoping that I didn’t see who I was pretty sure I saw kneeling behind the bench. I took a few deep breaths as I rubbed Madi’s back to try and calm her down. My mind was telling me to get up and leave, but for some reason, I didn’t. Calming Madi down was more important than trying to run away from the one thing that I was most scared of at the time.

"Sh...It’s ok angel," I whispered as I rubbed her back and gently bounced her up and down to let her know she was all right. "I’m right here."

I could feel the weight on the wooden bench change as he sat down next to me. I closed my eyes while I held Madi and tried to keep myself from breaking down.

"I really want to talk to you."

When I didn’t say anything, he continued.

"I need to talk to you," he said. "Please."

I opened my eyes and looked over at his face for a split second. It was just how I’d remembered it, only now it was covered with a pained look of sorrow and concern. He looked like he was going to cry, but I knew he wouldn’t. His once happy eyes that shined every time he talked now seemed to mirror all the hurt and confusion that I felt inside. I looked away while I pulled Madi away from my shoulder and cradled her in my arm. She stopped screaming, but she was still crying.

"Can I?" he asked, referring to Madi.

I looked at him again, and found him watching my failed attempts to get Madi to stop crying. I reluctantly held her up and watched as he carefully took hold of her and held her on his lap as if she would break if he touched her wrong.

"What’s wrong?" he asked her before he moved her to his shoulder. "You’re too cute to be fussing like that..."

I watched as he gently patted her back while he quietly whispered in her ear. She instantly calmed down from his simple moves. When she was quiet, he looked over at me for a second before he handed her back.

"Who is she?" he asked after I got Madi back into my arms in my lap like she was lying before he scared her and me.

"I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about her AJ," I started.

I looked up at his face and noticed the hurt in his eyes when I said that. I knew he would think that she was mine...she was mine, but not the way he was thinking.

"Yes AJ, she is mine, but not the way you’re thinking," I told him while he watched her reach up and play with the necklace that was hanging around my neck.

"Wh-what do you mean?" he asked, sounding as if he was on the verge of tears.

"When I went home, I went to see my friend Rachel," I started to explain, but got choked up just thinking about her. "She was in the last stages of cancer. She was dying...she knew and I knew...we both knew that she wouldn’t make it through that night."

He reached over and put his hand on top of mine as I held Madi close to me. That small action sent shivers up and down my back.

"This is her baby, Madisen...she’s my daughter legally, but I could never replace the woman that her mother was to me. I can only try to raise her right. It’ll be hard at times, but I know I can do it."

When I looked up at his face, he nodded as he moved his gaze from my face to Madi’s. There was silence between us as the noise around us grew and fell as groups of people and kids walked by.

"I just want you to know that I’ve missed you soooo much," he said suddenly, watching me. "I know that you think I-I cheated on you, but it was nothing like that."

"Then what was it?" I asked, looking up at him to return his gaze.

"I...I was picking some things up at a grocery store and this girl started talking to me," he replied, looking down at his lap. "It was the first time since you’d left that I’d felt half-way important to someone. She asked me if I’d...if I’d go out with her, so I did once."

I closed my eyes before I turned my head back and lowered it sadly. Kev was right...at least he was right about it so far.

"We went to a movie and then had a picnic in the park...I took her home with a kiss on the cheek, and haven’t seen her since," he said, his voice lowering as he leaned closer and closer to me. "There was nothing there. I couldn’t have feelings for anyone but you...I can’t pretend to love someone else when all I think about is you."

His voice in my ear gave me goose bumps and I subconsciously let out a small contented sigh when I felt his warm breath on my neck. He moved back a little as he continued.

"I thought those three weeks were bad enough, but when you told me you didn’t want to give us a fighting chance, it was like you stabbed me in the heart and then gave the knife a twist, just to make sure it would hurt."

I heard the tremble in his voice and looked up to his face to see the tears in his eyes.

"It hurt more than I can even comprehend. I never thought you would hurt me like that, but you did," he said after a second of silence. "These last 8 months have been so hard without you."

I didn’t say anything...I didn’t know what to say. I shut my eyes and kept them shut while I listened to everything that he was saying.

"None of that matters Liz, because I still love you, and I know you still care."

When I heard my cell phone ringing, I slowly opened my eyes and held Madi with one arm while I pulled my phone out of my pocket.

"Yeah."

"Where are ya?" Tina asked.

"I...uh...we’re not finished yet..."

"We’re all ready to go," she said.

"Well, we’re not quite done yet, but you all can head home if you’d like. I’ve got a blanket and Madi’s seat in my car so we’ll be ok," I told her while I looked at Madi and then at AJ. "We won’t be too much longer, so we’ll see you at home ok?"

"Ok," Tina replied. "Give kisses to Madi for me."

"I will," I said. "Bye."

"Bye."

I knew AJ was watching me as I hung up my phone and shoved it back into the pocket of my baggy overall jeans. He reached over and stuck his finger out for Madi to play with.

"We should be going," I said after a few seconds. "Will you come with us?"

His head shot up when he heard me ask. He gave me a thankful smile.

"I’d like that," he replied.

He smiled again when I held up Madi so he could hold her while we slowly made our way back to the entrance of the zoo. It was starting to get dark by the time we approached the gates. The streetlights flickered on just as we walked out the exit onto the sidewalk.

"It’s better that you don’t ask," he told me when he saw that I was about to ask him a question.

He knew me well enough to know what I was going to ask. He handed Madi back to me as he searched his pocket for something.

"We’re parked over there," I said, motioning to a lot that was for reserved parking spaces. "I’ll meet you at the parking lot entrance."

"I’ll be there," he replied before we went our separate ways.

© Liz Holder 2001