~~~~~~~~~~» AJ «~~~~~~~~~~

When Nick and Bri came back inside, I swallowed the lump in my throat and went to see what happened. They went and sat down at the table with the two girls. I stood there for a second while I reached up and out of habit, played with the ring that I had been wearing on a chain around my neck since I’d bought it at the mall almost 8 months earlier. I tucked it back under my shirt and out of view before I walked over to the table.

"Where is she?" I asked, my voice almost quivering for some reason.

"She’s gone," Nick replied, looking up at me. "She left a few minutes ago."

"Is she going back to her hotel?" I asked.

Nick looked over at the two girls and then at Bri. Bri looked up to me for a second before he lowered his eyes sadly.

"She’s on a flight as we speak," he said before he looked up at me again. "She has some personal business to attend to for a while before she comes home."

"Where’d she go? I have to talk to her," I said.

Just the thought of her leaving in a time like this made me tremble with heartache. I knew that showing up at the awards show with a girl like Amber would hurt her, as well as when she found out about what I did. It was when Liz left for three weeks after she moved to Miami. It was only one time with a girl that I’d met at a grocery store. I took her to the movies and then we had a picnic in the park. I didn’t even make a move or anything because I knew my heart wouldn’t be in it. I took her home, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and left. Nothing happened. That’s why I needed to talk to Liz...so I could explain everything. I knew that she thought it went further than that, but it didn’t, and I had to tell her so.

"I don’t think you should do anything right now Bone," Nick said. "She’s not in a position emotionally to talk about anything."

"What’s that supposed to mean?"

They were all silent for a few seconds.

"She went to visit her friend in the hospital," Chrys said suddenly. "She wanted to be there before it was too late."

I looked over at Chrys and found her staring at the table. I knew that what she had said was the truth, just by the way she said it and how she reacted afterwards.

"How long will she be there?" I asked in a hushed voice.

"As long as it takes," was her reply.

~~~~~~~~~~» A Few Hours Later «~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~» Liz «~~~~~~~~~~

I got a queasy feeling when I walked into the hallway of the cancer unit in the hospital. Hospitals have that certain ‘smell’ and it always made me uneasy whenever I came into one. I slowly walked down the hallway as I glanced in the rooms along the way. I passed a room with a little boy sitting on a bed playing a video game. He had a hat on, so I knew he’d been taking chemotherapy treatments. When he saw me, he looked up and smiled. I gave him a small smile and wave as I continued walking. When I came to the closed door with ‘278’ on the plaque, I quickly took a few deep breaths and gently knocked on the door. The door opened slowly after a few seconds and a man in a suit held out his hand for me to shake.

"My name is William Baker," he said quietly as I shook his hand. "I’m her lawyer. She requested that I be here when you arrived."

I nodded a little and followed him into the room. The room wasn’t very bright because the blinds were shut, but it was light enough that you could see. I looked up and saw her lying on the bed with the covers pulled up to her chest. Her face was pale and her hair was matted to her forehead. I walked over to her and carefully brushed her hair to the side with my hand. She opened her eyes when she felt my touch on her forehead.

"You came," she whispered in a soft voice.

"Yeah, I did," I replied with a small smile. "How’re they treating you here?"

She gave me a small exhausted smile before she said anything.

"They’re good...real good."

"That’s good to hear," I replied before I scooted a chair over next to the bed.

I watched her as she reached over and placed her hand on mine. There was a soft knock on the door before it opened a little and Jay walked in carrying Madisen, Rachel’s baby girl. Jay walked over and placed the sleeping baby in her mother’s arms before he sat down on the other side of the bed. I watched Rachel lovingly stroke the hair on her daughter’s head. I knew that Rachel loved her daughter more than life itself. Her parents died a few years ago in a car accident when she was 19 and when she told her fiancée that she was pregnant, he left her. Her daughter was all the family she had left. She looked up to me with tears in her eyes.

"I saw the show," she said after a few seconds. "It was really sweet of you to do that for that little girl."

"I did it for you," I replied.

She was quiet for a minute.

"I have a huge favor to ask of you Liz," she said softly, looking down at her little girl.

"You don’t even have to ask...you know I will," I replied as she gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "I love you. You’ve always been like a sister to me. You know I’ll do anything for you."

"Will you raise my baby?" she asked as she looked up into my eyes once again. "I know you can give her what she needs...and I know you’ll love her as much as I do."

"Yes, I will. I promise."

She gave me a small smile before she momentarily closed her eyes. She was in pain, and I knew it...everyone knew it.

"Thank you Liz," she said. "You don’t know how much this means to me."

"It’s the least I can do Rachel."

The next few hours were spent sitting at her side, talking with her until she was too tired to talk anymore. I watched her sleep and knew that she wouldn’t last through the night. I held Madisen in my arms as I sat in the chair next to Rachel’s bed. When the heart monitor started beeping, I looked up and saw the flat line. Nurses and doctors rushed in, but there wasn’t much they could do. I watched as they covered her body with a sheet and wheeled it out of the room. Tears fell down my face as I cuddled Madisen to my body. The reason she wanted her lawyer there earlier was so he could witness her living will. The adoption of Madisen would be finalized within a few weeks, and I could take her home with me as soon as I’d like to.

~~~~~~~~~~» Two Days Later «~~~~~~~~~~

"There are plenty of things we can say about a woman who was always the sunshine on our cloudy days, but nothing could ever explain the love that she had for us all. When she found out about the cancer, she just smiled and told us that things always happened for a reason. She always said to tell your loved ones that you loved them, give your love a kiss so they know you care, and smile through it all. I know that no one is perfect, but Rachel was pretty close. We love her, and will miss her more than we know."

I sat on the bench in the front row of the church that Rachel went to. I looked up at the mahogany casket as a tear fell down my cheek. Jay was standing at the pulpit giving her eulogy. After the eulogy, we went up for our last good-byes before the casket was closed.

"I won’t break my promise Rachel. I love you," I whispered after I walked up to the casket holding Madisen. "We’ll make you proud."

Madisen started to fuss as I walked away. I think she sort of knew that she wasn’t going to see her mom again, even if she was only 8 months old. I tried to keep her quiet during the rest of the ceremonies, but she cried along with everyone else. It wasn’t a normal baby’s cry...it was different, more like a cry of sadness. The casket was wheeled out and loaded into a hurse that would be headed to the cemetery. Madisen finally stopped fussing after a small prayer was said. Each of us placed a rose on Rachel’s casket before we left. I placed two roses on it...one for me and one for her daughter.

"Mommy’s going to watch you from heaven now," I whispered to Madi after we got into the back of the car that Jay was driving.

She looked up at me from where she was lying in my arms. Her brown eyes sparkled as she flailed her arms in the air and gurgled a little. When I looked into her chocolate brown eyes, they reminded me so much of AJ that it sort of scared me. Jay told me earlier that people from the station had already gone through most of Rachel’s stuff, and left mostly only the things that the baby would need. We headed over to her place to collect the few things that were left. Madi and I had a flight to catch in a few hours, so we needed to pack the stuff up in boxes so we could have it on the plane with us. After about an hour of packing things, Jay and I took a break. Madi was lying on a blanket on the floor so Jay lay down next to her and started playing with her. I sat down next to the wall and made a call on my cell phone.

"Hello?"

"Brian?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Is Chrys there?"

"Yeah...let me get her for ya."

It was a few seconds before she picked up on the other end of the line.

"Hello?"

"Hi Chrys," I said.

"Liz! Hey! How’re things goin’?" she asked.

"It’s ok, considering the situation," I replied.

I looked over at Jay and Madi. Jay made a silly face and Madi squealed in delight after he tickled her side.

"Wait! What was that?" Chrys asked, referring to Madi’s noises of amusement.

"That’s Madisen," I replied. "I’ll explain everything when I get home. I think it’ll be better to explain in person rather than over the phone."

"Ok," she replied. "When are you coming home?"

"The flight leaves in a little over an hour, so I’ll be home later tonight," I said with a smile as Jay picked Madi up and held her in his arms. "What’s Bri doin’ at your place?"

"Oh...he came to help me pack up some of my stuff for the move into your place...he also wanted to say good-bye before they leave on the first leg of their tour in a few hours," she replied. "He’s so sweet! He made dinner for me here. Afterwards he got down on one knee and asked me if I’d be his girlfriend. I was like ‘Aawww!!!’."

"Well?"

"Of course I said yes! How could I say no to someone so sweet?"

I laughed a little. "You two are sooo made for each other."

"Thanks!"

"Anyway, I’ve got to finish getting some things ready."

"Ok. I guess we’ll see you when you get home then," Chrys said.

"Yeah. Tell the crew that I’m coming back..."

"Will do," she replied.

"Bye Chrys."

"Bye."

I hung up and looked over at Jay. He had Madi in his arms while she was looking up at him. She had hold of one of his fingers and had a look of determination on her face as if she wasn’t going to let go anytime soon.

"Do you suppose she’ll let me go?" he asked with a half-smile when he looked up and found me watching them.

"I’m gonna miss you Jay," I said out of nowhere. "Will you come visit us?"

"You know I will," he replied, taking Madi’s hand off his own so he could hand her to me. "I’d miss this pretty little girl too much."

I let out a little sarcastic gasp. "Thanks so much!"

He laughed. "Of course I’ll miss you too Liz. I’ll miss both of you."

I watched him stand up, fold the blanket that they had been sitting on before, and set it on top of a bag that I had designated the ‘diaper bag’. Jay helped me up before he began loading the boxes of stuff into the trunk of his car. When he was done, he held Madi while I got in the car and then handed her back to me so he could get in. The ride to the airport was silent, besides the radio, and when we pulled up to the curb, he once again helped me with the boxes and things. It cost a bit more to have the stuff shipped on the plane, but we both knew it would work out best if we did it that way. He parked the car while I waited at the curb for him. He walked with us through the terminal and to the gate.

"Call me when you get there ok?" he asked with a hug.

"I will," I replied while he played with Madi’s hands for a second. "Bye Jay. Thanks for everything."

"I’ll see you soon," he said with a small smile. "My vacation time is comin’ up...expect me in for a visit..."

"It’s a plan then," I replied with a laugh.

I heard the call for the flight we were on as we stood there.

"Bye Jay."

"Bye babygirl."

He handed me the diaper bag. I slung it over my shoulder and then turned to walk away. I moved Madi so she was lying on my shoulder before I got to the lady taking the tickets. I turned and gave Jay one last wave before I walked into the walkway to the plane.

~~~~~~~~~~» Howie «~~~~~~~~~~

Once we’d loaded our new tour busses and I saw that AJ had headed towards the back, I sat down on the couch next to Meg in the front where everyone else was.

"Anyone heard anything about Liz?" I asked.

"Nope," Kev said as he looked up from a magazine he was looking at.

Meg shook her head.

"Not since she left," Nick added.

I looked over at Bri.

"I have."

He was also looking at a magazine of some sort, though I knew he was probably thinking about Chrystal.

"She’s coming home tonight," he said after he looked up and noticed everyone looking at him. "Chrys told me. She called a little while ago...just before we left."

"What else did she tell you?" Meg asked.

"I was helping Chrys pack her stuff to move into Liz’s house, which I still have no idea where it is, when she called. Sounded like she’ll be coming home with some excess baggage. Anyway, Chrys said something about a girl named Madisen...I dunno anything about her, but that’s what Chrys said."

He shrugged his shoulders before he went back to his magazine.

"Wait," Meg said, putting her hand on the article he was reading so that he couldn’t see it. "Is everything ok?"

"How am I supposed to know?" he asked. "Her friend just died...how would you feel?"

Meg moved her hand and allowed him to go back to his magazine as she got up and went to sit in one of the bunks. I followed her to see what was up. I sat beside her on the edge of my bunk.

"Do you think she’ll answer if I call her cell?" she asked in a whisper.

"I don’t know, but it wouldn’t hurt to try," I replied as I wrapped my arms around her in a hug.

"I miss her," she said after a few seconds of silence.

"I know you do...we all miss her."

~~~~~~~~~~» Liz «~~~~~~~~~~

When the cab finally pulled up in front of the house, I watched the driver get out to help with the boxes. Madi was sleeping in her car seat so I picked it up and set it on the porch while I helped the cabbie with the boxes and bags. After they were in a neat pile on the porch, I paid him and then turned to check on the baby. She was starting to wake up. When she started to fuss, I pulled the blanket back and took her out of the car seat. When she rested her head on my shoulder as if she wanted to go back to sleep, I draped the blanket over her small body before I reached into my pocket with one hand and worked at unlocking the front door. The house was completely dark, so I flipped on one of the outside lights before I walked a few feet in the door and turned the chandelier on in the high vaulted ceiling in the entryway.

"SURPRISE!!!!! Welcome home!!"

I looked up and saw all my dancers and singers standing in the large entryway. The loud noise woke Madi up and she started crying. I began gently bouncing her up and down to try and calm her down. I looked up and saw a few confused looks from people. Chrys and a few of the girls walked closer to where I was. I pulled the top part of the blanket back so they could see Madi. Her head was still resting on my shoulder while one of her hands was wrapped around my neck and the other hung at my side. I smiled when Rissa reached out and gently stroked Madi’s hair.

"She’s so cute!" she said quietly.

I hadn’t noticed that the guys were bringing the boxes in until they were done.

"Thank you," I told them quietly. "Lemme put her to bed and I’ll be back to explain..."

They nodded before they went into the large entertainment room while I walked up the stairs to the large room that was mine. I spread her blanket out on the floor by my bed and laid her down. I quietly sang to her until she went to sleep. She let out a little sigh in her sleep that made me smile. I pulled a light blanket up over her halfway and then walked out of the room so she could sleep. Someone had turned the stereo on so everyone was dancing or talking when I came back downstairs. A few people stopped talking when they saw me walk down the stairs and eventually the stereo was turned down as everyone gathered around.

"That is Madisen. I am legally adopting her so she will be my daughter," I explained. "She’s Rachel’s little girl and I promised her that I’d take of Madi."

"How old is she?" Destiny asked.

"She’s almost 9 months."

"She’s so cute and little!" Chrys said happily. "Does that mean D (Destiny), Kyleigh (aka Star-her middle name), Jules (Julie), and I get to help raise her?!?!"

I laughed a little at her infectious energy. "Yes, if you’d like."

I laughed even more when Chrys ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug. I knew that when I came home, these girls would have already had their stuff moved in, but I wasn’t expecting the whole crew to be here.

"This is gonna be sooo fun!!!" she said after she let me go.

When everyone began to break apart and the stereo went back up, I waved D, Kyleigh, Jules, and Chrys to come with me into the kitchen. I turned around and leaned on the counter while I watched them follow me in.

"I was wondering if it will be ok with all of you if I ask my sisters to move in with us," I said. "Will it be ok with everyone?"

"I think it’ll be cool," Jules said.

"Yeah...it’ll be like a sorority, except we’re not at college," Kyleigh said with a smile.

"I like your sisters!" Chrys added. "They’re cool."

I looked over to Destiny.

"Let the party begin!!!" she said with a grin.

"Cool! I’ll call ‘em first thing in the morning and arrange a flight," I said before I watched the girls walk back into the large entertainment room.

I was just getting ready to follow them when I heard a BSB song come over the radio in the other room. My heart fell as I listened to the words.

I jumped a little when my cell phone rang. I pulled it off my belt loop, pushed the send button, and held it up to my ear.

"Talk to me."

"Liz?"

"Yeah."

"Hi."

"Hi Meg," I replied.

There was a small moment of silence.

"Listen Meg...I’m sorry for getting mad at you the other night. I was totally out of line," I said, remembering our conversation the night of the show.

"It’s ok. I didn’t know anything about what happened with AJ until later that night when Kevin told us about it," she said. "Did you get to the hospital in time?"

"Yeah, yeah I did," I replied quietly. "I...I need to tell you about something important, but I can’t do it over the phone. When do you have a break next?"

"I think we have a break after the first two weeks. You want me to fly home for a day or two?" she asked.

"Yeah. That’d be good."

"Ok. I’ll have the flights arranged right away then," she said. "It’s not anything bad is it?"

I smiled a little. "No. It’s all very good. You’ll see when you get here."

She laughed a little. "Hey...you wanna talk to Arti? She just woke up from her little nap."

"Yeah!"

I could hear Meg handing Arti the phone with other voices in the background.

"Hey girlie!"

"Hi."

"I’ve been trying to call you and I always get a busy signal," she said.

"Well, I’ve been busy getting some things taken care of for the last few days," I told her.

"That’s ok," she replied. "I figured you’d call eventually."

"Hey...will you come home with Meg when she comes? I need to tell you something important."

"Ok," she said happily. "I can’t wait to see your new house!"

"You’ll love it! I know you will."

"Cool."

"I’ve got to go...give the guys my love," I told her.

"I will," she replied before we said goodbye.

~~~~~~~~~~» Arti «~~~~~~~~~~

I turned Meg’s phone off and handed it to her before I took a seat at the table across from her and Howie.

"So what do you think it is she has to tell us?" I asked casually as I took an orange from a bowl of fruit that was sitting in the middle of the table.

"I dunno," she replied. "She said that it wasn’t anything bad..."

"Think she found a boyfriend?"

"Could be..."

"Or maybe she’s pregnant," I said sarcastically with a laugh while I peeled the orange.

"I don’t think that’s it...unless she went and secretly got married in the few days that we haven’t seen her."

"True," I replied before taking a bite and then offering her a piece.

"What else could she have to tell us that’s that important?" she asked as she accepted the half orange that I held out to her.

"Well if she wouldn’t tell you over the phone, it’s something that she doesn’t want the media in on," Howie spoke up.

Meg and I looked over at him simultaneously before we exchanged glances.

"I bet it’s something that happened while she was at home," he continued. "Guess you’ll just have to wait and see."

© Liz Holder 2001