~~~~~~~~~~» September – Los Angeles, California «~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~» Liz «~~~~~~~~~~

"The second night of Christina’s tour was the funniest. It all started when Dalone slipped and fell, which caused half of the other dancers to fall too. I started laughing and I couldn’t stop! I just thought it was so funny to see them all on their butts on the stage in the middle of a song. I barely got my self back together before I had to sing again. Then when the dancers go back to change into the white and neon outfits Trent and Kyle couldn’t find their shirts, so they went on half-naked. The crowd REALLY liked that. Turns out that our stylist accidentally left them in one of the hotel rooms...oopie! Anyway, on our last song, the lights went completely off...they had a slight technical problem, but we kept on doing our stuff anyway. When the lights came back on, the dancers were all over the stage in the wrong places and stuff. The people in the audience probably didn’t notice that they weren’t where they were supposed to be, but I did and I thought it was funny."

No one said anything, so I continued on with my ‘report’ of my previous tours.

"Did you hear that I broke Afro-puff’s nose? Ha...he deserved it ten times over and given the chance, I’d do it to him again. Anyway, on to more important things. Oh! For our last concert on Faith’s tour, you should have seen the dancers! The guys wore football uniforms, except for the pads, and the girls wore cheerleaders outfits complete with pigtails. They were so cute! And then just when our set was almost over, I had someone came over the PA system. They said ‘There’s a limo in the lot with it’s lights on with the license plate number LAH-376...LAH-376 with it’s lights on’...I gave the audience a smile and then said ‘That’s me. Enjoy the rest of the show’ before I ran off the stage. The crowd seemed to like that."

Tina laughed, Court smiled, and Chad, my date, laughed a little while Nikki was talking on her cell phone. We were on our way to the MTV Video Music Awards Show in LA and to put it bluntly, I was COMPLETELY nervous. Not only would I be performing one of the songs off my album, I was in the running for ‘Best new artist’ and I was going to be presenting an award with none other than THE Snoop Dogg. I was a nervous wreck for obvious reasons. The guy that I was taking with me as my date was an old friend from High School. We kept in touch over the years, so I asked him if he’d come with me since I obviously wasn’t going to be going with AJ. He happily accepted, since I basically begged him to come along and keep me company. My dancers were supposed to already be there, except for Chrys and Linni, who were going to be showing up with Nick and Brian. I got butterflies in my stomach when the limo pulled to a slow stop in front of the Shrine Auditorium in New York City.

"You look fine Liz," Tina said with a smile when she saw me nervously running my hands through my hair.

Before I could say anything in response, the door was pulled open and my driver held out his hand to help me. Izzie stood near the driver and waited for all of us to get out of the limo before he made a subtle motion and two other security guys joined us for the walk up the red carpet. I told everyone that I wanted to talk to as many media people as possible, so we got there with plenty of time, but not too early.

"And here we have Ellz H, the blond beauty who has guys over the world falling over themselves," Nancy O’Dell from ‘Access Hollywood’ said when I walked up to her. "Hi!"

"Hi," I replied with a smile while I gave her a half hug and then stood next to her. "You look gorgeous."

She smiled at me. "Thank you! You don’t look so bad yourself. Who are you wearing tonight?"

"Well, this dress was actually designed by my sister," I said with a smile at the mention of my dress as I motioned for Tina to come join us. "She likes to have fun with clothes, so I let her design my outfit. She also coordinated my outfit for my performance."

"Well you did a very nice job," Nancy told Tina with a smile.

I knew that Tina had been drawing clothes for years, so I asked her if she’d come up with something for me to wear for the show. When she showed me the drawing of the dress she’d come up with, I instantly fell in love with it. It was a floor-length dress made of dark blue velvet material with small spaghetti straps, which gave it a modern, but very elegant look. I had my long blond hair straight and parted on the left side.

"Thanks," Tina replied just as Izzie walked up behind us, signaling that we should move to the next reporter.

"Congratulations on the nomination," Nancy said when she saw Izzie join us. "Good luck with the performance."

"Thank you!" I replied with a grin to the camera before we moved to the next mini-interview with a different reporter.

During one of the interviews, I thought I saw Nick’s blond head on the crowded red carpet. I took a split-second double take and spotted him and the other guys. He had Linni at his side with a huge grin on his face. Brian was talking to the reporter that the guys were talking to while Chrys was standing next to him, smiling happily. Kev was with Arti...Howie was with Meg. The reporter asked me a question, so I momentarily turned my attention back to him as I answered. The interviewer thanked me, and Izzie started to lead Chad and me away. I only took a few steps before I turned my head back to where the guys were standing a second before. I slowly stopped walking, and since we were holding hands, Chad stopped too, to make sure I was ok. The guys weren’t there anymore, but after quickly looking around, I saw the group moving closer to where we were to talk to a reporter. I felt a weird feeling in my gut for a brief moment just before my eyes landed on AJ. He didn’t look like the same AJ that I knew. His hair was cut really short and even though he was wearing a black crocheted skullcap, I could see that it was dyed bright yellow. The sleeveless shirt that he was wearing revealed a few new tattoos and it took me a second to notice the studded piercing on his chin. He was holding the hand of a girl that I assumed was his new fling. She was wearing a skimpy black sequined dress that barely covered what it needed to. When she looked up, it seemed like her face would crack if she smiled any wider. I heard Chad ask me if I was ok, but I couldn’t help but look back. I watched AJ as he lifted his hand and waved at the fans and press with a big smile. It wasn’t the same smile that I’d seen him wear so many, many times before. Something was different about him, and even if no one else could sense it, I could.

"Miss Liz..." Izzie said before he walked behind me, blocking my view of AJ. "The others are waiting."

He pointed to where my sisters were waiting by another reporter with the other guards. I turned back around and continued walking towards where they were.

"What is it Liz?" Chad whispered to me as we were walking. "What were you looking at?"

"It’s...it’s nothing," I replied, realizing that I needed to get on with the night, as well as my life...the past is the past.

When I was done with the press, I stopped and waved at a few of the fans and let them take pictures while I waited in the ‘line’ behind a few artists to go up on the MTV platform and chat with Ray, one of MTV’s VJ’s. Once I was signaled to go on the platform, they told me that the cameras were rolling.

"Hi Ray," I said slyly with a grin as I walked up to him and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "What’s up MTV?" I said into the camera.

"I am now the envy of EVERY guy across the country," he replied while he turned his head a little and showed the camera the lipstick mark on his cheek. "I just got a kiss from the beautiful Ellz H."

"And a hug too," I added while I put an arm around his back. "I’m a hugger."

The cameraman moved so that he had a different view of us standing there together. I guess he wanted to get the fans across the street in the shot with us, so we turned a little bit so that we were looking into the camera.

"Let me first congratulate you on the nomination. Did you think you’d get nominated? Or was it unexpected?" he asked.

"Thank you. Um, the nomination was very unexpected," I replied. "The whole amount of my success is kind of surreal to me, mostly because I never thought I’d make it this far. I mean, I’m standing here with you Ray...MTV’s cutest VJ. It seems like yesterday I was sitting at home watching you on MTV, and now I’m WITH you on MTV. It’s great!"

"Well, let me tell you that I think your success is very well deserved...your album is ‘da bomb!" he said, making sure he said ‘da bomb’ in a funny voice. "The vocals are tight...the beats are bumpin’...it’s dope. People don’t know what they’re missin’ if they don’t have it."

"Thank you. That’s really sweet," I said with a smile.

"So, the rumor that’s goin’ around says that you and Backstreet Boy AJ broke it off. True?"

"Yeah...we broke up like six months ago. I’ve been touring so I’ve been a little out of the loop, but I see that he found himself a new girl," I replied apathetically. "She’s gotta have a heart of steel and a whole lot of guts to stay with him."

"Well, his loss, and a huge gain for single guys all over the world," he said with a wink.

"Thanks," I replied with a laugh.

Ray nodded a little like he was telling me to continue, so I did.

"I haven’t talked to AJ much, but I hear their new album is coming out soon," I added. "Kudos to them."

I smiled at the camera.

"Ellz...thanks for talking to me...and our viewers," Ray said as he held out his free hand.

"It was my pleasure," I replied with a smile as he shook my hand and then watched as Izzie swept me away towards the door to the building.

Just after we went in the door, I heard someone calling my name, so I turned my head a little to look behind me. Chad turned to look too, and when I couldn’t see who was calling me, I turned back around. When Chad pointed behind us with a smile, I turned my head back to see what he was pointing at.

"Els!!!"

I smiled when Meg came up to us and gave me a big hug.

"I’ve missed ya girlie!" she said happily before she gave me another hug.

When we pulled away from the hug, I introduced her to Chad and smiled as they shook hands.

"He’s an old friend," I told her. "We’ve known each other for...how many years now? I dunno...since grade school. First grade I think."

"Nice to meet you Chad," she replied with a smile.

I quickly glanced over her shoulder as she talked to him and noticed that the rest of their paparazzi group was approaching. I quickly made an excuse that we so we could leave before they came any closer. We weren’t quite quick enough.

"Let’s go Chad," I whispered lowly to him, so only he could hear.

He was just about to lead me towards the auditorium when someone squealed happily before I was attacked from the back. I turned my head a little and saw Arti hugging me from behind.

"Hi stranger," she said with a knowing smile. "How did the tour go?"

We started walking again after Arti let me go and walked with us.

"It was really great! I wish you could have stayed for longer than you did for your visit," I told her with a smile as we walked. "Two days definitely wasn’t long enough."

"That’s for sure," she said with a smile. "Anyway, Kev’s waiting for me and you’ve got to go find the rest of your crew."

"Yeah," I replied with a laugh.

"Good luck with the show."

She gave me another hug.

"Thanks bunches," I said before she walked the other way.

Chad and I caught up with Izzie and the girls just as they were going into the auditorium to find our seats. We were in the section on the left side about 6 rows back close to the aisle since I had to get out several times during the show. I took a quick look around the big room and noticed where a few people were sitting before I sat down. The show was about to start, and technical people were on the stage preparing the last minute details before the cameras started rolling. MTV decided to do something different this year, so they asked Rosie if she’d host the show, and when I found out that she said yes, I was happy ‘cause she’s one of my best ‘celebrity’ friends. The room grew quiet when the last part of MTV’s pre-show appeared on a big screen on the stage in anticipation of the starting of the show. I just about died when I heard my own voice coming from the speakers. I looked up and saw the interview with Ray playing back.

"I am now the envy of EVERY guy across the country," Ray said into the camera while he showed the camera the lipstick on his cheek. "I just got a kiss from the beautiful Ellz H."

"And a hug too," I added. "I’m a hugger."

That’s when the cameraman moved, and I just looked at the screen for a second, finally realizing why the cameraman moved. From the view that the camera now had, if you looked behind Ray and I, you could see AJ, his date, and the rest of the Backstreet crew in the background watching and listening to the short interview.

"Let me first congratulate you on the nomination. Did you think you’d get nominated? Or was it unexpected?" Ray asked.

"Thank you. Um, the nomination was very unexpected," I replied. "The whole amount of my success is kind of surreal to me, mostly because I never thought I’d make it this far. I mean, I’m standing here with you Ray...MTV’s cutest VJ. It seems like yesterday I was sitting at home watching you on MTV, and now I’m WITH you on MTV. It’s great!"

"Well, let me tell you that I think your success is very well deserved...your album is ‘da bomb!" Ray said. "The vocals are tight...the beats are bumpin’...it’s dope. People don’t know what they’re missin’ if they don’t have it."

"Thank you. That’s really sweet," I said with a smile.

"So, the rumor that’s goin’ around says that you and Backstreet Boy AJ broke it off. True?"

"Yeah...we broke up like six months ago. I’ve been touring so I’ve been a little out of the loop, but I see that he found himself a new girl," I replied. "She’s gotta have a heart of steel and a whole lot of guts to stay with him."

I saw the look of partial shock on AJ’s face in the background and felt kind of bad for saying that, even if it was true.

"Well, his loss, and a huge gain for single guys all over the world," Ray said with a wink.

"Thanks," I replied with a laugh.

"I haven’t talked to AJ much, but I hear their new album is coming out soon," I added. "Kudos to them."

‘I look soooo blah’ I thought when I watched the screen and saw myself smile at the camera.

"Ellz...thanks for talking to me...and our viewers," Ray said.

"It was my pleasure," I replied with a smile as I shook his hand before I walked away, and the next interview began.

When the pre-show ended, Rosie walked onto the stage and began her opening sequence. I excused myself from my seat and went backstage to the place that I was told to wait. She introduced the first performers and then walked off the other side of the stage. The director’s of the show had arranged it so Snoop and I would present one of the first awards, and I would be the next to last performer. I never really realized how tall Snoop was until he walked up to me and introduced himself.

"He is Hip Hop’s king and she is pop’s new first lady," Rosie said after the performance. "Everyone welcome Snoop Dogg and Ellz H."

The audience clapped while Snoop and I walked onto the stage together.

"Sup G?" he asked.

I laughed a little.

"We’re at the VMA’s baby!!!!" I said happily.

"Thass right thass right," he added.

Snoop waited with a half-smile while I said my lines, paying absolutely no attention to the words on the teleprompter.

"Guess we’ve all noticed that *NSync is missing a member tonight..."

"Really? Where they at?" Snoop asked.

"The hospital? I dunno...I guess one of them had a little ‘accident’," I said with a laugh.

"Yeah. A tough girl broke his nose with one swing...I heard about that," he added. "I heard it was you, so I won’t say s**t tonight..."

"Hey...watch it," I said with a raised eyebrow, causing the audience to crack up. "Anyway, here are the nominees for ‘Best Video in a Movie’."

A video clip of the different nominees played on the screen. I turned a little and watched it. When it was over, I turned back to the audience and waited while Snoop slowly opened the winner’s envelope.

"And the winner is..." he said before he handed the card to me.

"From ‘Save The Last Dance’, it’s ’Crazy’ by K-Ci and Jo-Jo!" I added happily.

I gave K-Ci and Jo-Jo both half-hugs before I handed them their moon-man and then backed up a little while they gave their little ‘thank-you speech’. When they were done, we walked off the stage and I went back to my seat while they went and talked to the press. The next category was mine, and I was a big ball of nerves, but tried not to let it show. A cameraman came and sat down in the aisle like they always do to catch the reactions of the nominees. I paid no attention to him, but instead listened to the presenters. Usher, Mark McGrath, and Will Smith were the presenters for the category.

"All the brothas wanna be WITH ‘em," Usher said with a grin.

"And all the ladies just wanna BE them," Mark added.

"I dunno about you guys," Will said, pointing to the other two. "But in my opinion these ladies are hott."

I bet I turned about five shades of pink.

"I hear ya brotha," Usher agreed with a smile.

"It just happens that this year’s nominees for ‘best new artist’ are all women," Mark said. "Here’s the nominees."

A video clip was played. It was a mix of clips of music videos from the other nominees (3LW, Mikaila, & Dream) and myself.

"And the winner is..." Mark said.

"Drum roll please," Usher added.

Will started tapping on the podium for a drum roll. Usher opened the envelope, but just stood there and looked at it for a second to keep the suspense up. My heartbeat started racing and I couldn’t believe how I was reacting even though I had no idea who it was that had won.

"Ellz H!" all three of them said in unison.

I just sort of sat there for a second until Chad reached over and gave me a hug.

"Congrats Liz," he whispered into my ear before he let me go.

I stood up and slowly walked to the stage and up the stairs. The three guys gave me hugs and I thanked Usher when he handed me the moon-man award.

"Are those not the HOTTEST guys here or what?" I asked. "I think I need to take one of ‘em home with me..."

Some of the ladies in the audience laughed and applauded. I smiled while I tried to think of what to say in a split-second.

"This is so unexpected! To the other ladies in this category, you girls are awesome and don’t ever let anyone convince you otherwise," I said while I momentarily set the award down on the podium. "I’d like to thank my family. I also wanna say thank you to everyone who’s helped make this album the best that it can be...Meg, Nick, all the producers, songwriters, and all the different technical staffs, my awesome manager, Nikki, and everyone at Rainbow Entertainment. Much love goes to all the fans that sent me get-well cards and gifts. You are the ones that make it worth the time and effort every day. Thank you."

I stayed backstage after meeting with the press and waited instead of going back to my seat. The spotlight came on and Rosie walked out from the other side of the stage with a little girl walking beside her, holding her hand. I turned around when I got backstage and listened to her intro, waiting for my cue.

"Hi Katie," Rosie said in a cute voice.

"Hi Rosie," Katie replied shyly.

"How are you?"

"Good," Katie said with a smile.

"A woman called me from the Make-A-Wish foundation a few weeks ago with a favor. She told me she was informed that there was a cute girl who wanted to be a host on the VMA’s by a friend of mine," Rosie explained to Katie and the audience. "When I heard about little Katie, I just couldn’t say no ‘cause she’s so cute!"

I quickly brushed through my hair and then put it into a loose ponytail just below the bottom of my neck. While Rosie explained to the audience that Katie had leukemia and was wearing a hat because she had no hair as a result from the last year of chemotherapy treatments, I quietly tiptoed onto the stage behind Katie. I stood a few feet away from the two of them so that I wasn’t in the spotlight. Rosie smiled, so I knew she saw me there. Katie’s mom started walking onto the stage from the other direction with another woman who was carrying a pair of silver scissors in her hand.

"Do you know who that is?" Rosie asked Katie, not really talking about one person in particular.

"That’s my mom," Katie replied with a shy smile.

"That’s your mom, but who’s that?" Rosie said as the stage lights came up a little while she pointed in my direction.

I smiled when Katie turned around and ran over to give me a hug. I bent down and hugged her back with a smile. After I stood back up, she took hold of my hand and led me over to where Rosie was now standing with Katie’s mom and the other woman.

"So you know her?" Rosie asked Katie.

Katie nodded with a big grin. "She’s Ellz H...we met her before and she gave us tickets to her concert when we told her we couldn’t get any. She’s really cool."

People in the audience chuckled a little, and I did too. She was just too cute for words.

"She is, isn’t she? This is Pat," Rosie said, pointing to the woman with the scissors. "She’s from an organization called Locks of Love."

That’s when I spoke up.

"I pulled a few strings and helped my little friend Katie get on the show because I wanted to do something special for her," I said with a smile before I continued. "I just found out that a good friend of mine has cancer, and I asked her what I could do to help her fight her battle. She told me that it was too late to do anything for her, but that I could help others with the same type of challenges."

I looked down at Katie with watery eyes as she looked up at me with a smile.

"So, in honor of her, Pat will be making a special hairpiece for you with the hair that I’m going to give her."

When I felt Katie hugging me, I looked down and gave her shoulder a little rub. She let go and I walked over to the other side of Rosie to stand next to Pat. Pat handed me the scissors and I gave them to Katie’s mom before I turned around. I got butterflies in my stomach when I felt the cold metal against my neck, but I knew that happened whenever I cut my hair at all. The room was quiet, and I even heard a few gasps when she started to cut my hair. When she finished, my hair was now a little shorter than shoulder length, when before it was almost to my knees. I turned back around and she handed the ponytail to me. I held it up to see how long it was.

"You’re gonna look so pretty Katie," I said with a smile while I handed the hair to her and watched her hug it to her as if it were gold.

"Now isn’t that just cool?" Rosie asked while the four of us walked off the stage.

"Thank you so much," Katie’s mom said when we got backstage. "This means so much to her and to me."

"It’s the least I could do," I replied as she gave me a hug. "I’ve got to get to my dressing room so my hair stylist can trim this, but I’ll see you all later ok?"

Katie nodded happily and I waved to her as I walked away towards the hallway where the dressing rooms were. I found Frederick, my stylist, ready and waiting for me when I walked in the room.

"Let’s get to work...we haven’t got much time," he said while I sat down in the chair and let him put a barber cape on me.

I had to be back out on stage in a little over an hour to perform, so he got to work right away, cutting my hair to the style that we’d agreed upon beforehand. He knew what he was doing, so it didn’t take him long to finish with the cut...next came color, then the style.

"Thanks Freddie," I told him with a smile while I looked in the mirror as he took the cape off and then helped me out of the chair.

"You’re always welcome," he replied happily.

Next came make-up, and then eventually wardrobe. For the make-up, my artist went for a glam-girl rocker look with lots of dark shimmery eye shadows and a dark mauve colored lipstick. Once my make-up was done, I went to wardrobe, where the outfit that Tina put together was waiting for me. I quickly changed into the outfit, which was a pair of flared hip-hugger jeans that had a painted ‘graffiti’ pattern painted on the bottom part of the legs, and a white leather sleeveless shirt that was studded with rhinestones all over the front. Once I had the black chunky heeled Skechers that went with the outfit on, I headed out into the hallway and walked towards the stage. One of the stagehands told me that the band was already on the stage setting up behind the retractable backdrop thing, so I got hooked up into my wireless mic and went onto the stage to make sure my dancers were into their positions. We were ready by the time my special guest came on the stage to join us. He walked on just in time before the lights went out and the presenter started the intro. I walked off the stage and ran down the hall to the back entrance to the auditorium in time to hear the last sentence of the intro.

© Liz Holder 2001