~~~~~~~~~~» Two Weeks Later «~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~» Liz «~~~~~~~~~~

"Our kind and gracious Heavenly Father, we thank you for everything that you’ve given us, both great and small. We recognize your hand in all things and are most grateful for this awesome opportunity you have designated for us. Father, I’d like to thank you for giving me the chance to do what I love and for having great people that help and support me. Please watch over them as we do our best to please you and our fans as well. We thank you for all our fans...their generosity, love, and support is always acknowledged and we thank you for letting us share our talents and lives with them. Father, bless them for all their hospitality and kindness. Watch over them as they leave tonight that they will travel safely and bless them during the show that there will be no injuries. Father, again we thank you for all you’ve given us. We love you and strive to keep you in our thoughts. I say these things in your name. Amen."

"Amen," everyone said in unison and then broke up the huge circle that everyone in my crew was standing in.

The guys of *NSync were off in their dressing room doing their own thing to get ready for the show while we were doing our ritual to get ready. Before every show, we gather in the hallway to stretch, warm-up, and have a group prayer.

"Hey fellas...where you at?" I hollered.

"We’re here and we’re ready!!!" they screamed back.

"Hey ladies...where you at?" I called out.

"We’re ready to go!!!"

"So let’s get on with the show!" we all screamed together, followed by an ‘uh’.

The stage manager told me that it was time to go on, so the dancers filed out onto the stage while I got ready for my entrance. The music started and the pyro went off, signaling my cue to go on.

"Y’all ready for a great show tonight?!?!" I asked into my headset mic.

The crowd went wild. I’d gotten that same reaction at every show for the past two weeks. I knew that it wasn’t because they were excited about seeing me, but because they couldn’t wait for *NSync to come on. Even though I really hated the end stage setup that they had, I made the most of each of my performances. It was so cool to see people out in the audience singing along with my songs, knowing that they took the time to learn the words. After singing a fast song, we (the back-up singers and I) did a slower song while the dancers changed their outfits. When the song was over, I went to change backstage while the dancers danced for a few minutes. Our outfits were all different combinations of neon and white colored clothes that glowed when they turned on black lights at the edge of the stage. The song that we sang was my favorite fast song on my album that talked about a girl getting rid of her no-good man and getting on with the rest of her life. It had a good solid bass beat and a cool melody that made it different from the teeny-pop that the audience heard from the other opening acts before us.

"I can’t hear you!" I taunted the audience with a smile. "Sing it..."

I always tried to make the audience as much a part of the show as possible so they got the best quality of show for their money. They seemed to enjoy it, so I kept on doing it at every show. The chemistry of every audience is different and tonight they were really, really hyper. It seemed that they screamed at everything from stagehands coming on stage to dancers, thinking it was one of the *NSync guys. I found that hilarious.

"Thank you Boston for being AWESOME tonight!!!! Enjoy the rest of the show!" I said when the last song of my 5 number set was done.

I followed my crew off the stage and gratefully accepted a small towel from one of the stagehands. I wiped the sweat off my face and then took the ice-cold water bottle that the same stagehand held out for me.

"Thanks," I told him before I started to walk back to my dressing room.

I looked up and saw JC walking towards the stage.

"Hey Ellz...good show," he said with a smile as he slowed down a little.

"Yeah...thanks," I replied dryly, continuing on my way.

‘That’s just what I need right now...’ I thought to myself while I walked down the hall. I’d been avoiding moments like that since I came to tour with them. I certainly didn’t need nor want any of them hitting on me, so I pretty much kept to my crew and myself as much as possible. After I had my stuff from our dressing room ready to go, I went out to the bus where the other girls were. All the girls were on one bus and the guys were on another. As soon as we were all there, the busses pulled out and we were on the road. *NSync was just finishing their show while I was coming out to the bus, so I knew they’d be joining us on the road in a little while. We were just leaving Boston when I climbed into my bunk. Some of the girls were going to watch movies and I didn’t really feel like it, so I decided to get some sleep since we wouldn’t be staying in a hotel for the night like usual. When we had a show, we’d usually go back to a hotel, stay the night, and then leave the next morning, but our next shows were in New York the next two nights, so we had a long road trip ahead of us.

~~~~~~~~~~» Four Days Later «~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~» Kev «~~~~~~~~~~

"What is wrong? Why can we not get this one friggin’ little tiny part right?!?" I asked no one in particular.

We were in the studio recording vocals for a song to go on the new album and we couldn’t seem to get it right for some reason. Bri and D just shrugged their shoulders in response. Nick was out getting a drink, so he wasn’t there to hear anyway. AJ just sat in the corner pretty much keeping to himself.

"AJ...why don’t you go back in and we’ll record your part again," I suggested. "I think you’re a little off on your part, so maybe you should work on it a little bit."

He looked up at me, and I swear if looks could kill, I’d have been 6 feet under in about two seconds. He stood up and walked to the door, but it wasn’t quite the right door.

"Yo dude...the door’s over there," Bri said while he pointed to the door on the opposite side of the room.

"You think I don’t know that?!" AJ replied angrily. "I’m leavin’...if you don’t like it, you can kiss mine."

We watched him leave the room and slam the door behind him. A few minutes later, Nick walked back in.

"Who pooped in his kitty litter?" Nick asked after he sat down in a chair at the mixing board.

We all knew whom he was referring to. He’d obviously run unto AJ in the hallway as he was leaving. AJ or not, we decided to just finish working on the vocals that we could do alone and just do the rest when he’d calmed down a bit. We worked for a few hours and noticed that AJ still hadn’t come back.

"We might as well call him on his cell and see where he’s at," I said as I reached over to the phone.

I put it on speakerphone and then dialed his cell number.

"What?" he answered after like 8 rings.

"AJ...where are ya man?" I asked.

"Drivin’ down the road."

"Are you coming back to work?" Bri asked.

"Is that all you’re worried about...work, work, work?!?" AJ replied rudely. "There’s some things that are more important than work in this world. Ya know Kev...if one of us was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, you wouldn’t even notice because you’d be too into getting all the work done perfectly and if it wasn’t perfect, you’d spend forever getting it that way."

I reached out and picked up the receiver.

"What in the heck is wrong with you AJ?" I asked.

"I’m taking a break for a while," was all he said before I got disconnected.

"CRAP!!!!!" I exclaimed before I slammed the receiver down on the base.

~~~~~~~~~~» In New York «~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~» Liz «~~~~~~~~~~

"Anyone know where we’re headed to next?" I asked after I climbed onto the girl’s bus.

Our second show in New York had just finished, so we were loading the busses to go back to the hotel for the night. I dumped my bag in my bunk and then went back up to the front where Chrys, Kayla, Rissa, and Jules were starting to play a card game.

"I think we’re going to the Carolinas next," Jules replied while arranging her cards in her hand.

"K...thanks."

I sat there and watched the four of them play cards for a while. They all talked and laughed about different stuff while I sort of zoned out.

"So what’s up with you and Brian?" Kayla asked Chrys.

"Well, we went out a few times before we left for the tour...and I can’t wait to see him again! He hasn’t like asked me to be his girlfriend yet, but I have a feeling it’ll be sooner than I think," she replied happily.

"You two look cute together," Rissa said with a smile after she put a card down on the pile of cards in the middle of the circle. "I bet that he can’t wait ‘til you get home either."

That definitely made Chrys blush. Her cheeks turned like seven different shades of pink. They continued talking like that for a few minutes until they fell silent all of a sudden.

"Earth to Liz..." Chrys said as she waved a hand in front of my face to get my attention.

"Huh?" I answered, coming back to reality.

"Destiny’s callin’ for ya," she said with a laugh.

"Oh...sorry," I said timidly as I got up and headed to the back of the bus.

I found Destiny sitting in the back of the bus with Kyleigh, Katrina, and Kayla. She was talking on her cell phone, so I sat down on the other couch and waited for her to finish. When she saw that I was there, she held up a finger, telling me to wait a second.

"Yeah...hang on. She’s right here," she said into the phone before she handed it to me. "It’s Izzie...he’s at the hotel already."

I nodded and held the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hi Miss Liz. I know that you’re not far from arriving at the hotel, so when you get here, you’ll need to come straight up to your room," he said promptly.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Miss Megan called on your cell phone and said it was urgent that she talk with you," he replied.

"We’re pulling in now. I’ll be right up," I said before I hung up.

I handed the phone back to Destiny just as the bus pulled to a stop outside the hotel. I quickly grabbed my bag from my bunk and waited for the security that the hotel provided to escort us inside. Once they were ready, I followed them through the crowds of fans that were waiting for *NSync, and finally got inside. When I walked in my room, Izzie was there waiting for me to show up.

"Thanks Izzie," I said as he handed me my phone and walked out the door.

After I set my bag on the bed, I sat down and pulled my shoes off my feet and then dialed Meg’s number. When no one picked up after like ten rings, I hung up and dialed her cell phone number. She picked up after a few rings.

"Hi Meg. Izzie said it was urgent."

"AJ’s missing," she said bluntly.

"He’s what?" I asked, not believing what she just said.

"He’s gone. He just up and left a few days ago while the guys were in the middle of recording and no one’s seen him since," she replied. "Is there any chance that he’s gotten a hold of you since then?"

"No...I haven’t talked to him for almost a month."

"Have you checked your messages or e-mail lately?" she asked.

"Oh goll...I haven’t checked my e-mail for like 6 months," I said shyly. "Let me get my computer out and I’ll check it and my voice messages."

I looked around the room and spotted my computer on the dresser, along with my planner and things.

"I’ll have to call you back after I’m done," I said.

"Just call me back when you’re finished or if you hear anything from him," she replied.

We said goodbye and hung up. I got up off the bed and got my laptop. Once I was sitting back on the bed and got comfortable, I opened my laptop and turned it on. While my computer booted, I dialed my voicemail box on my cell phone. There were a few unimportant messages, a few that I’d heard before, and a couple of new messages. I was actually surprised that there weren’t more messages since I kept my phone off or on vibrate a lot of the time. I listened to them and then turned my phone off. Once I got my computer logged in and Windows came up, I pulled up my e-mail program and went to dial up with a phone line when my cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

There was no answer, but I could hear someone in the background. It sounded like they were crying. I listened to the muffled sobs for a few seconds, wondering what was wrong and whom it was that had called.

"Hello?" I asked again.

It was a few more seconds before someone spoke in a slurred voice.

"Why’d you do it? Why’d you hurt me?"

The voice on the other end broke off and I could hear more sniffling.

"Alex? Is that you?" I asked.

"You left me...you said you’d never leave..."

He sounded like he’d had WAY too much to drink and I knew that I needed to find out where he was before he did something that he’d regret later. Suddenly his sadness turned into drunken anger.

"You left me when I needed you. I was always there for you when you needed me," he said angrily. "I thought you loved me...or was that a lie? Was it all a lie? You said you loved me so that you could get your contract...and get with my best friend...you got over it so quick because you didn’t feel anything in the first place..."

"Alex."

He became quiet.

"Where are you at right now?" I asked, hoping that he’d tell me.

"I thought you loved me."

I got up from the bed and went out into the hall.

"We were supposed to be together forever."

I quickly knocked on the door of the room that Chrys and Rissa shared. There was a moment of silence while AJ rummaged for something in the background. I could hear the clink of the glass as he poured himself another drink. There was a radio playing faintly in the background.

"Please don’t do this AJ," I said. "You know that I love you...please don’t do this."

When he didn’t say anything, I got a little worried. I looked up when Chrys opened the door and waved for me to come in.

"I need you to call Kevin on your cell," I whispered just barely loud enough so she could hear as I pointed to my phone. "AJ..."

When she heard that I was talking to AJ, she hurried quicker, knowing that it must have been important.

"Alex, put the glass down ok?" I asked.

"Why should I do anything for you?"

"You don’t have to do anything for me...do it for yourself. You deserve better than that," I replied. "You’re just making the situation worse than it already is."

"I can only think of one way that it can be worse," he said sadly.

I looked up at Chrys anxiously and saw that she was talking to Kev on her phone.

"Please AJ...tell me where you are," I said.

"I’m...I...I don’t know where I am..."

He must have been drinking for quite a while if he couldn’t remember where he was. I felt a tinge of pain when he started sobbing quietly again.

"Is anyone else there, or are you by yourself?" I asked.

"There’s no one here. It’s me and my J.D. tonight," he replied.

I knew exactly what he meant. He was drinking Jack Daniel’s so I knew that he was pretty much wasted by then.

"Just stay on the phone ok?"

"So now you want to talk to me?" he asked.

"I just want to know that you’re going to be ok," I said.

"Of course I’m not going to be ok..."

"Can you remember anything about the place that you’re at? Like how you got there...is there anything near it that you can remember?" I asked, hoping he would remember.

There was a moment of silence.

"AJ?"

Chrys looked up at me when I called out his name.

"There’s a number on my house," he replied after a few more seconds.

"What number is it?" I asked.

"There’s a one...and a...a...seven...and a nine," he replied slowly, taking his time reading the numbers for obvious reasons. "I’m in...Palm...Palm...something..."

"Palm Beach?" I asked.

"Yeah...that’s it. Are you coming over?"

I could tell that the alcohol was getting into his system by then because he was starting to act a little out of it.

"I don’t know how to get there," I replied. "I’ve never been to that house before."

Noises could be heard from his end and then a small crash.

"I...I’m ok," he said after a few seconds.

"AJ...I want you to go lay down on your bed and go to sleep ok? Sleep off the hang over and then call Howie in the morning," I told him.

"Aren’t you coming over?" he asked. "We go to sleep sleep...sleep land..."

"Go to bed AJ," I told him again, making sure he understood what I was telling him. "Get some sleep."

"Yesssss mother," he replied in a slurred and sleepy voice before the phone was disconnected.

I hung up my phone and then rubbed the side of my face in frustration. I hoped he’d do as I told him, if he didn’t pass out first. Chrys walked over to where I was standing and held out her phone to me.

"Kevin," she said as she handed it to me.

"Kev," I said into the phone.

"Chrystal said that you were talking to AJ."

"He called me. I just got off the phone with him," I replied. "He’s too drunk to do anything right now."

"Did he tell you where he was?" Kev asked.

"He was talking about a house in Palm Beach...number 179 or something like that."

"I’m going to go over there as soon as I get off the phone with you...just to make sure that nothing happens and he doesn’t do anything stupid," he told me.

"I’m scared Kev."

"Don’t worry about him Liz. This definitely isn’t the first time this has happened."

"He thinks that I was with him so I could get a contract..." I said sadly. "He doesn’t think I love him and in truth, I love him too much."

Just the thought that he could think such a thing caused tears to form in my eyes. I turned away from the worried eyes of Rissa and Chrys when I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I quickly wiped the tears away.

"Hang on a sec Kev," I told him before I put my hand on the mouthpiece of the phone as I walked toward the door.

I opened the door a little and then turned to the girls.

"I’ll bring your phone back to you when I’m done...it won’t be long," I said before I walked out of the room and shut the door behind me.

Once I was back in my own room, I locked the door behind me and sadly slumped onto the bed.

"Sorry about that Kev," I told him.

"You have to listen to me Liz...when AJ’s drunk, he says things that he doesn’t really mean," he said, trying to convince me, but not succeeding very well. "Please don’t let what he said get to you."

"It hurts when he says things like that. I miss him...I truly do...and it hurts to know that he’s doing things like getting drunk because of me."

"You can’t blame this on yourself. He chose to get drunk, and there’s nothing you could’ve done to prevent that. That’s just the way it is," he said. "You’ve gotten on with your life and he needs to do the same."

"I wish things could be different, but everything’s changed," I replied. "Everything’s changed..."

This time I couldn’t hold the tears back. They flowed down my cheeks and soaked through my shirt as I sat there on my bed finally realizing the pain that was harbored in my heart.

"It might seem like I don’t feel the pain too, but I do. I DO!!!!!"

After I wiped the tears away once again, I took a few deep breaths as Kev talked to me.

"We all know how hard this on you. This is hard on both of you, not just him. And I know that you being on tour during the middle of this is making it ten times worse...just put it out of your mind until the last show’s over with."

"I have a few days off in about a week when I switch to Christina’s tour...do you think I should come back and make sure everything’s ok?" I asked.

"I don’t think that’d be such a good idea. It’d just make things worse than they already are," he replied.

"I’ve got to go Kev. We have to leave in a few hours for the next city."

"I’ll call you back in a few days to make sure you’re all right. Ok?"

"I think I’m going to have Nikki change the number to my cell phone so I don’t get anymore unwanted calls, so I’ll call you," I told him with a yawn.

"Sounds like a plan," he said. "I’ll talk to you later then."

"Thanks Kev."

We said goodbye and hung up. I made two more phone calls before I hung up and changed into some more comfortable clothes.

~~~~~~~~~~» AJ’s House in Miami A Few Hours Later «~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~» Kevin «~~~~~~~~~~

"AJ? You there?" I called out as I opened the front door.

It wasn’t locked, and when no one answered the door when I knocked, I decided to just let myself in. I turned one of the lights on and was surprised at the mess in the front room that was normally clean and well kept. I’d only been in this house a few times, but I’d never seen it like this. There were clothes, couch cushions, and dishes, among other things, strewn all over the place. After I made my way through the mess and walked into the kitchen, I saw empty liquor bottles on the floor along with a couple of shot glasses that had obviously been used within the last day or two. As I walked through each of the rooms on the main floor, I picked up a few things. I walked up the stairs and to his room. His door was semi-open, so I could see a little way in, but not far enough. I pushed the door open a little further and relaxed a little when I saw him stretched out on his bed dead asleep to the world around him. He was laying on his stomach with his head facing the other way, but I knew he was asleep by the way he mumbled something every few minutes in his sleep, like he did every time he got this drunk. I walked in and put a blanket over him before I left his room and shut the door behind me. For the next few hours, I put some soft music in his stereo system on the main floor and set off to cleaning up the mess that I knew he wouldn’t remember making. When the house looked presentable again, I sat down on the couch in the living room, closed my eyes, and listened to the music for a little while. When I heard shuffling coming from the stairs, I opened my eyes and waited for AJ to walk past. He walked in the room rubbing his head and instantly shutting his eyes when he walked into the dim light. He had a major hangover, and it would be at least a little while before it went away.

"Want some coffee?" I asked from where I was watching him.

He looked over at me with squinting eyes as he rubbed his head some more.

"How did you know I was here?" he asked in a hoarse voice as he slowly moved a little closer to where I was.

"You called Liz last night," I told him after he slumped down onto the other end of the couch that I was sitting on.

"What did I say to her?" he asked warily, almost worried as to what I’d tell him.

"I’m going to get some coffee and Tylenol for you and we’ll talk about this when you’re a little more sobered up," I told him before I got up and went into the kitchen.

He followed me into the kitchen and sat down at the table, where he held his head in his hands with his eyes closed. After I got the coffee started, I opened the cupboards one by one until I found where he kept the pills and stuff.

"Is it that bad?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

"You said some really hurtful things to her last night, and even though she knew you were drunk, she is still hurt by what you said," I told him while I handed him two Tylenol capsules and a mug filled with steaming coffee.

I sat down next to him at the table and watched him put the pills in his mouth and take a sip of the dark liquid. He savored the drink as it helped him sober up from his hangover.

"What time is it anyway?" he asked as he set the now-empty mug down and looked over at me.

"It’s almost 5 in the morning."

I watched him as he wiped his mouth with his hand.

"When did you get that?" I asked, pointing to his chin.

"Get what?" he asked in reply.

"The piercing," I said while pointing at it again.

He didn’t know what I was talking about until he ran his fingers over his chin lightly and felt the stud that was just below his bottom lip.

"I don’t remember," he replied.

He was silent for a few seconds.

"I must’ve told her that I was here..." he said, getting up from the table and setting his mug in the sink. "She told you I was here didn’t she?"

I could tell that he was starting to remember some of the things that happened the night before, because he started to act a little panicky.

"She was worried that you’d do something to yourself..." I told him truthfully.

He paced around the kitchen as the night played back in his mind as far as he could remember before the alcohol got to him. He stopped suddenly and cursed out loud a few times as he began pacing again.

"I...I accused her of using me," he said as he started to freak out. "I told her that I thought she didn’t love me at all..."

When he started breathing heavily like he was going to hyperventilate, I stood up and walked over to him. I took hold of his shoulders and held him there until he calmed down and then looked up at me.

"She must hate me even more now than she did before," he said sadly before he hung his head.

"AJ, she doesn’t hate you. She knows you didn’t mean it," I told him before he looked up at my face. "She called me because she was scared and she didn’t know what else to do. She cares about you too much to let anything happen."

I saw a brief look of relief in his eyes before it was replaced with sorrow once again.

"She told me that she misses you," I said softly as I let him go and watched him take a few steps back until he leaned on the countertop.

When he realized what I’d just told him, he turned his head to the side as he started to sob quietly. I decided to leave him alone so he could have a while to himself.

~~~~~~~~~~» New York «~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~» Liz «~~~~~~~~~~

The five o’clock wake-up call would be coming sooner than wanted, so I just stayed awake and went online on my computer until there was a knock on my door.

"Just a sec," I called out while I shut my computer down and quickly packed up my stuff.

When I had my backpack on my back and my computer bag on my shoulder, I unlocked the door and opened it. Izzie was standing in the hallway waiting for me. When he saw me ready to go, he smiled and moved a little to the side so I could come into the hallway. I handed him the keycard to the room and headed to the small lounge at the end of the hall where the rest of my crew would be meeting. Almost everyone was already there, but almost no one was totally awake yet. When Chrys walked into the lounge, I held her cell phone out to her.

"Is everything ok?" she asked in a whisper as she took it from my hand.

I nodded a little. "It’s ok for now."

She didn’t ask about it anymore...not because she didn’t care, but because she knew I didn’t really want to talk about it at the time. Before I realized what was happening, Izzie quickly moved the girls and I into the elevators so we could load our bus. There weren’t a lot of fans in the lobby because it was so early in the morning, so we didn’t have any problems getting to the bus. When I was on the bus, I sat down at the table in the front and let out a big yawn.

"I need moooooooore sleep," Lyndsey (Linni) said in-between yawns as she plopped down in the seat on the opposite side of the table. "Early wake-ups SUCK!"

"Yes, they do," I said in agreement. "I sure hope Chrys knows her way around Raleigh ‘cause she’s gonna be my guide to the airport there in town."

"What’re you doing at the airport?"

"Well, I called my mom late, late last night and arranged to have my two younger sisters flown to Raleigh to be with me," I replied with a half smile. "I just hope my mom got them off in time, otherwise they’ll miss their flight."

"That’s cool that you’re having them join us there," Linni said.

"Yeah...they don’t know that they’re gonna be with ME yet, but that’s all part of the fun," I replied with a wink.

Linni laughed at my last comment and reached over to the fridge. She pulled the door open and grabbed a pop from inside.

"Want anything?" she asked.

"Wisconsin Pee-water please," I replied with a cute smile. (AN – ROFL@Tina...inside joke!!!)

She gave me a weird look.

"That would be a Mt. Dew..." I explained with a laugh.

She handed me a cold Mt. Dew from the fridge and then shut the door. I quickly gulped down the drink and waited for the sugar/caffeine to kick in so I wouldn’t feel so sleepy. Linni watched me chug the pop with wide eyes as if she’d never seen anyone do it before.

"What?!" I asked her with a small laugh when I was done.

"Nothing...just never seen a girl chug a 12 oz. pop that fast before," she replied before she took a drink of her own pop.

When everyone was ready to go, the driver pulled out of the hotel lot and we were on our way down the road. When Linni told me that she was going to go back and take over the back of the bus to watch a movie, I decided to join her, seeing as I had nothing better to do.

© Liz Holder 2001